I hate comparison. I mean, I absolutely hate it.

However, for some reason, I still find myself getting trapped in it daily.

Recently, it's been weighing heavily on my heart.

I won't lie and tell you this year of college has been easy, it hasn't. I've been through some pretty tough situations that absolutely sucked because I lost someone who used to mean so much to me.

And it still hurts sometimes because I've noticed things I'm still holding on to.

I tend to take these situations even harder and start to think that all the heartache and all the drama and all the mistakes are because of me. And, while some of them were my fault, I ended up letting the entire situation downgrade how I felt about myself.

I started to think that if guys didn't notice the outfit I wore or didn't talk to me like they talked to other gals, then I must not be getting noticed. And I must not have as much worth as those girls obviously did.

I let myself grow envious because I wanted someone to be a part of my life and took it even harder when they wanted nothing to do with me. I replayed events and things said over and over in my head and drove myself into panic attacks because I couldn't get over all that transpired.

Needless to say, this got me nowhere.

Comparison is depicted in the Bible as the thief of joy. I've known this from a young age, seeing as how I grew up in church.

In high school, I didn't really have a big problem with comparison. I'd give in to it every once and a while, but because I didn't really talk to people my age and all of my church friends were adults, I didn't spend too much time on the subject.

Flash forward to being a single college student who's had a taste of relationships, it's so much easier for me to fall into that trap.

I've known for a while now that my biggest desire in life is to be a wife and mom. And I'd had no problem waiting for that...until I experienced a relationship that didn't work out.

I know it's not typical to find your soulmate in your very first relationship, or end with a happily ever after right out of the gate, but no one goes into a relationship expecting it not to work. (If you do that, I'd suggest staying single for now.)

I'd been so infatuated with all of these hopes and dreams that I never pictured the aftermath of a breakup. I didn't picture how emotions would change and become so raw, and I definitely didn't picture how my self-esteem would be affected.

I guess everyone reacts to singleness in different ways.

Some are truly joyful and feel better being single. Some fake it until they make it, which usually doesn't end well in my experience. And others accept that being single can be hard when it's not your ideal.

I want to be joyful in this season. I want to stop comparing my insecurities to someone else's Instagram feed. I want to truly be content in this season God has me in and to look forward to the day when He brings another guy into my life.

I'll be honest, some days are really good and some days feel really bad.

But if there's one thing I know has to be true, it's that I'm seen as enough by at least two guys in my life - my dad and Jesus.

And hopefully, one day, a third guy will agree.