Do you know that feeling of constant anxiety? Walking around holding your breath… almost like a thousand pound weight is sitting on your chest? I have been feeling that for almost a month now, and I can honestly say it has been the most stressful month of my life. See, this is what happens when you choose to learn your lesson the hard way. Which is fine. Some people just have to experience things for themselves before they understand that all of their friends were right.

This is what happens when you think you’ve met a Prince Charming. Ever since we were little, we read fairy tales, and dreamed about a Prince Charming. In fairy tales, the bad guy is very easy to spot. He wears a black cape so you always know who he is. Then, you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he is not easy to spot; he is really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair. He is also very good at making you think he cares about you.

Now that you’ve met the bad guy, he is going to do whatever it takes, and tell whatever lies he needs to, to make you fall for him. Which you will, because you’re a hopeless romantic who believes in giving people second chances… and third and fourth and fifth chances. But, at some point, it has to stop.

You realize that you’ve been walking around just waiting for the next bad thing to happen, anticipating the next road block, wondering when the next thing will get in our way. How long before this just blows up in my face and we never talk again? Is it a month? Three days?

Usually, in a relationship, you hope for something really strong and healthy, a very solid relationship. But that’s not always what you get. Sometimes you have a relationship that feels very fragile and tentative. But that doesn’t mean that it’s not special and extraordinary to have a relationship that’s fragile and meaningful in that fragility.

We are a scared generation - scared to fall in love, scared to commit, scared to fall, scared to get hurt, scared to get our hearts broken. But one day you will wake up and realize that you deserve better. For so long it felt like you were standing on a subway platform for a train that wasn’t even coming, and, sadly, it would never come. You deserve better than someone who doesn’t listen to your funny story, or hold you when you cry, or remember your favorite restaurant.

Whenever you talk about love, you shouldn’t have to go through anything complicated or messy or dramatic. No one should ever give you mixed signals, or mess with your head, or wait five days to text you back - because that is not flirting. That’s just rude. I think we all deserve simplicity, we all deserve for love to be… easy. But it almost never is. So I wish there were only two options. Either you leave… or you stay.

You’ll come to this realization when you stop making excuses for him. You thought that all guys were forgetful sometimes, or maybe he’s just busy with homework and he doesn’t have time to listen to my problems, or, yeah, I’m sure he and that girl are “just friends.” So, once it’s over you have to ask yourself, was it worth it? Most days you can answer that question with a firm no. But then you remember that you were once the happiest you had ever been in your entire life, and that changes everything.

You cannot be mad at someone for not wanting you - that’s on them. You cannot change the way they feel about you or your almost relationship. All you can do is learn and grow from the things you have experienced and constantly remind yourself that you can and will do better. Because nothing is more unstoppable than a woman who realizes she deserves better.

And it’s okay if you come to this realization and you end it with that person. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk to anyone, it’s okay if you don’t feel like eating, it’s okay if all you want to do is sleep and it’s okay if you don’t want to wake up tomorrow. Just know that you will not feel like this forever.

The hardest part won’t be getting to know a new person and falling for them, the hardest part will be accepting the fact that you wasted so much time with someone who never actually saw a future with you. You will try to tell yourself that it was just really bad timing, that you were just at different points in your lives. But, here’s a simple truth I think we all need to face up to, the people we meet at the wrong time are actually just the wrong people.

You never meet the right people at the wrong times, because the right people are timeless. The right people make you want to throw away the plans you originally had and follow them into the hazy, unknown future without a backwards glance. The right people don’t make you hem and haw about whether or not you want to be with them; you just know. You know that any adventure you had originally planned out for your future isn’t going to be half as incredible as the adventures you could have by their side. That no matter what you thought you wanted before, this is better.

Everything is better since they came along. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe, and have faith that everything will work out for the best. You’ll come to the realization that all he ever was was something you wanted but couldn’t have. The reason you didn’t date was because he didn’t want to date you. He did not want to date you. That’s a tough pill to swallow.

And now you’ve got all of this information about him at the back of your mind like his birthday or his favorite movie or whatever, and you get sad when you go to the place you guys had your first date. But then you realize that he probably doesn’t even remember your middle name because all you were to him was an option, a possibility, nothing more. You hate that you can’t even sit in your car or lay in your bed or watch Netflix on your couch because you think about how you used to do all of these things together. But, always remember, just because you are lonely does not mean you should invite someone toxic back into your life. Learn from them, learn from the situation and move on. Let it go. Because the most important relationship you have in life is the one you have with yourself.

PS Boys only want love if it’s torture, don’t say I didn’t warn you.