The problem with people is that sometimes they hurt you, and sometimes they don't care. While it would be ideal if we could believe the best in people all of the time, the truth is that some people don't always deserve another chance.
Believing the best in people can be a dangerous habit. Upon first meeting you, I will probably assume you're a trustworthy person until you prove me wrong. I should be allowed to believe the best in people, and I should be allowed to expect good things from them. There is nothing wrong with high expectations. I have spent years believing that as a follower of Christ, conflict with another person should always be resolved by forgiving, forgetting, and opening myself back up to them. This is not right. I've had to learn quickly and uncomfortably that some people do not deserve the opportunity to hurt me anymore; sometimes people are wrong.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. -Proverbs 4:23
You are a precious gift to God. He knew you before you were born, and laid his hand upon you so that he would go with you to the depths and the heights of this world. He tells us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and that his works are wonderful. Your heart, specifically, is the most precious part of your being. The human heart sets mankind apart from all of God's other creations. No other creation desires a relationship with its Creator like mankind, and God purposefully created us to desire companionship. Why else was Adam incomplete without Eve? Why else would God desire that we love Him with all of our heart, not just a part of it? He desires the most valuable part of us. Our heart is the source of all our "springs of life." It is the source of our goodness, and it is our best opportunity to demonstrate love. We must protect our heart and give it sparingly.
The problem with constantly "forgiving and forgetting," a practice we've been brainwashed to do since we were children, is that you're simply opening yourself up for another opportunity to get hurt. Forgetting the damage someone has done to you means you're willing to let them hurt you in the exact same way again. This is unhealthy; this is the definition of insanity. You're expecting a different result from the same course of action. Don't forget the harm they've caused you. Learn from it.
Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times." -Matthew 18:22
Please understand the difference between learning from the hurt someone has caused you and holding onto bitterness. Jesus calls us to forgive because he first forgave us. Who are we to hold a grudge against someone when we ourselves have made mistakes time and time gain? We are all imperfect. Forgiveness is not only essential for the other person's well being, but it also frees you from bitterness and hatred. Always forgive.
Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and then to attack you. -Matthew 7:6
Right before this, Jesus critiques those who are quick to judge. We have all sinned, and we have all hurt someone in our lives. I am definitely thankful for those that have forgiven me and have given me a second (third, fourth, fifth...) chance. There is a delicate balance between the preceding verses and this verse. Perhaps more often than not we should forgive and give a second chance, and that's why Jesus spends more time preaching this course of action.
Perhaps he is warning us to be careful to not give your heart to those who will not appreciate it. Opening your heart to another is giving part of your holiness and your preciousness to them. There is a delicate balance between giving a person another chance and guarding your heart. The only way to fully be confident of you which you should do, is to let God be in control of who you give your heart to; trust him to guide this process and to heal it when it goes wrong. It is okay to stop giving people the opportunity to keep hurting you; it is okay to close your heart to them.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:7
