The Truth About Growing Up With Divorced Parents

The Truth About Growing Up With Divorced Parents

Is this what I have to look forward to?

Nowadays, many kids experience the reality of having a broken family. Divorce is now more common than it ever has been before. And depending on what age you were when you went through this, it can affect you differently. Not just with how children cope with the fact of having divorced parents, but also it shapes the way we go through our own relationships later in life. Despite divorce being common in most families, there are still many families out there that are blessed with having normal relationships with their families per say. That doesn't go to say that each family doesn't go through their own issues, but it's much better than living in two places at once. For those that don't have divorced parents, this may be a good chance to learn and understand better for those that do.

I was very young when my parents got divorced. So young many would probably question whether it truly had much impact on my life, but trust me, it does. I was about two or three years old when my parents broke it off and that was the easy part. Growing up was easy enough for a kid whose parents weren't together anymore. All the decisions were made for me. I didn't have to worry about anything regarding my parents or who I stayed with the majority of the time because that choice was already made for me, which made it easy to deal with. It wasn't until I was about thirteen or fourteen when these decisions were passed onto me that I started to feel the impact of the divorce.

It's hard trying to decide who you want to stay with, who you would rather spend more time with. You feel as though you are stepping on egg shells most of the time. As you get older you realize that you don't have a home, you have homes. You spend every other weekend at your dad's/mom's, not counting the visits where you stay for weeks at a time during holidays and the summer. You are on a constant move, it feels like, from one house to the other. You didn't notice it before, but it definitely starts to take a toll now. You feel as though you live out of a suitcase now that you're older. You realize that the responsibility of this divorce doesn't just fall on your parent's shoulders, but yours as well. And with them being divorced while I was so young was almost bittersweet. The pain didn't hit me until years later when I had to break my own parent's hearts when I couldn't decide who to live with.

But it doesn't just affect the emotions you have between your parents, it also triggers the fear of getting into relationships. All you see now in today's society is divorce, or lack of relationships, and people waiting longer to get into relationships. You fear these things because you wonder if this is how it's going to be in the end of every relationship. Is this what I have to look forward to?

You see your friends go through the same things as well with their parents. Some people's parents get divorced later in life, which affects them immediately. It almost always causes resentment. I've seen it. I've seen it happen to all my friends and my coworkers. It creates a mistrust between your family, almost as if to say "What went wrong?" And then you question whether you had something to do with it. Blaming yourself is just as common with divorce that equally affects relationships later in life. A part of you gets taken away, a chance to have a whole family. It hurts, not that it's anyone's fault. It happens sometimes. People fall out of love, but that doesn't mean that the pain is only limited to the parents.

The truth about growing up with divorced parents is that the pain never ends. You learn and grow from it. You gain experience throughout the pain and you learn more about your parents than you ever thought you would have before. The main thing to realize is that we have seen love fail and it is important for people that have never experienced that to know that. We have seen it fail up close and to the ones we care the most about. That doesn't mean that love won't conquer again, but it sets a fear deep inside that we will end up the same way. It's also important to know that none of this could have been avoided. It happens and continues to happen everyday. The best truth to realize is that you should not be defined by the weight of the pain you carry from divorced parents. It hurts, but one thing that people from divorced families will always do, is persevere.

Cover Image Credit: PetaPixel

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5 Perks Of Having A Long-Distance Best Friend

The best kind of long-distance relationship.

Sometimes, people get annoyed when girls refer to multiple people as their "best friend," but they don't understand. We have different types of best friends. There's the going out together best friend, the see each other everyday best friend and the constant, low maintenance best friend.

While I'm lucky enough to have two out of the three at the same school as me, my "low maintenance" best friend goes to college six hours from Baton Rouge.

This type of friend is special because no matter how long you go without talking or seeing each other, you're always insanely close. Even though I miss her daily, having a long-distance best friend has its perks. Here are just a few of them...

1. Getting to see each other is a special event.

Sometimes when you see someone all the time, you take that person and their friendship for granted. When you don't get to see one of your favorite people very often, the times when you're together are truly appreciated.

2. You always have someone to give unbiased advice.

This person knows you best, but they probably don't know the people you're telling them about, so they can give you better advice than anyone else.

3. You always have someone to text and FaceTime.

While there may be hundreds of miles between you, they're also just a phone call away. You know they'll always be there for you even when they can't physically be there.

4. You can plan fun trips to visit each other.

When you can visit each other, you get to meet the people you've heard so much about and experience all the places they love. You get to have your own college experience and, sometimes, theirs, too.

5. You know they will always be a part of your life.

If you can survive going to school in different states, you've both proven that your friendship will last forever. You both care enough to make time for the other in the midst of exams, social events, and homework.

The long-distance best friend is a forever friend. While I wish I could see mine more, I wouldn't trade her for anything.

Cover Image Credit: Just For Laughs-Chicago

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Here's Your Reminder To Let The People You Care About KNOW That You Love Them

It's so scary to think that one moment everything is fine and then something happens so out of no where and out of your control.


Last week I stared at my phone screen, not believing what my friend had just told me. Our close friend's father had just passed. I didn't know him well, but there was still a huge knot in my stomach, obviously feeling awful for my friend. That has to be one of the most horrible things, that I could never in a million years imagine having to go through. I told my friend I was thinking of her, but honestly, I tried to push it out of my mind that entire week. It's so scary to think that one moment everything is fine and then something like this happens so out of nowhere and out of your control.

Sometimes things happen in our lives that are unexplainable. This semester has had its ups and downs for me, but it's been pretty smooth sailing overall. I usually gladly stay on campus for the weekends, surrounded by my friends and so much going on, rather than taking the hour-long train ride home. Of course, I miss my family, but I am rarely thinking about it, especially on a Friday night.

This past weekend, however, I had this overwhelming desire to be at home for the weekend, and I couldn't figure out why. Sure, I had more work to do than normal so going home would probably force me to be more productive. I had also been sick that week, so it would be easier to kick my cold in the comfort of my own home than in my dorm. And as much as I adore Brower (not really), it can never hurt to get a good home cooked meal. I kept telling myself I would be home for spring break in two weeks, so none of these reasons really added up to my wanting to be home for the weekend.

Nevertheless, after a late date night on Friday, I decided to pack up my things early Saturday morning and haul my duffel bag to the train. And by the end of my weekend at home, I realized why I needed to be there so badly. I hadn't really confronted how hearing about the loss made me feel and how it was affecting me.

Writing this sounds selfish. Why should it matter how I feel when someone I care about is over there grieving and going through such immense pain? But after a week of pushing it out of my mind, I saw these events as an eye opener for my own life. Even though I have a really close bond with my own father, we fight a lot more often than I'd like, and sometimes I need a reminder to just let things go. I don't show it enough, but I love my dad so much and need to be grateful for the important role he plays in my life.

It sounds like stating the obvious to preach the importance of cherishing every second because you don't know when will be the last, but we often forget. No one should have to suffer through loss, and it scares me the more and more I think about it. I wish there was such a thing as the perfect thing to say to help someone through such an unexplainable situation like this. I guess all you can do is be there for them, give the people you love a hug, and appreciate the little moments you're lucky enough to spend with family.

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