Have you ever gotten a sermon from your parents or youth pastor about the dangers of playing around with sin? Did you ever feel like your parents didn't trust you, no matter how many times you tried to assure them that you knew how to stay out of trouble?
If you were at all like I was growing up, you didn't believe your parents very much when they told you that you actually couldn't be trusted to always make the right choices. My parents' favorite phrase in this situation was "We trust you, but we don't trust your flesh." Well, what the heck does that mean? To be honest, I always just dismissed this. I'm a Christian, and I have certain morals, and I'm going to be able to resist temptation.
Or so I thought.
Even as I started my first year of college, I had this mindset. As I began to have more freedom, my parents often reminded me to be careful, to make wise choices. I continually told them that I had enough self-control to remain stronger than whatever sin tempted me. I had full confidence in myself, and to be truthful, I didn't even see that this confidence was pride. I thought I was justified in thinking this way. I was proven wrong not too long ago. I thought I was strong, but I'm not.
Recently, I found myself finally owning up about a sin I hadn't wanted to admit. It was a situation I had always regarded as one that I would be able to easily say no to. And at first, it was. But then I gave in once. And the next time, it was easier to ignore the feeling of "don't do this" that I've long recognized as the Holy Spirit's voice. It became easier and easier to just give in, and I was in deep before I even really realized that I'd dipped my toes in.
That's the thing though. All it took for me to cave time after time was testing the waters. I always thought I'd have a strong resolve, but it didn't take very much for me to say yes when I knew that I should be saying no. I've heard so many times throughout the years, "it only takes one time to become every time", but I never really believed it before now. I somehow thought I was stronger than all the people who had told me how easy it can become to give in. Saying no isn't as easy as just saying no.
Turning back once you've started isn't easy, either. In fact, it was one of the hardest things I've ever been through. Even once I realized that I was living in my flesh rather than the Spirit, I didn't stop—because I didn't want to stop. I continued to let my human desires override what I knew was right. I'm not proud of it. I knew that I wasn't doing what I should do as a Christian. But truthfully, a part of me didn't care. I cared more about the short-lived happiness that giving in to my flesh brought me over the joy I have in Christ when I am living in accordance with His commands. It took me longer than I'd like to admit to finally turn away from what I was choosing over what was right, and even longer after that to truly confess to God and to those I had wronged. It was hard. And it was extremely unpleasant. I didn't want to admit what I had done, and almost more than that, I didn't want to have to stop. I felt like I was in too deep to get out.
Before long, I knew that I needed to change what I was doing. I had let it progress too far, and I had to right my wrongs. But I realized that it was going to be harder than I thought. I finally just wanted it to end, but it only got worse. I didn't know how to make it right, and I had no idea how I was going to tell anyone, even though I knew I needed to. The thought of admitting what I had done made me sick with anxiety. Surely it would be easier to simply stop what I had been doing, and never tell anyone. Of course it would have been. But I knew that that wasn't really an option. It never is.
It doesn't end with deciding that you're done giving in. Even once you start to put up a fight against your flesh, it doesn't clean up the mess you've made. I've turned away from what I did, and I desire to continue to. I've confessed and apologized. I know that I am forgiven, by God and by those I sinned against. But I'm still struggling. Every time I'm faced with that temptation again, I still want to give in. It's still just as easy to. I'm actually fighting to say no now, but it doesn't mean that I always do. I still give in, and even though I don't want to, I'm going to be facing this struggle for a long time. I'm human, and my flesh is stronger than my 'morals'. Because the truth is, I don't have any morals when I'm not depending on God. When I let myself get into a situation that potentially ends in sin, and I don't immediately seek a way out, I abandon the values I have as a Christian. When that happens, the only thing that can come from the situation is sin, because I have decided that I don't want to follow what God says before I even get to the point of doing what I shouldn't.
Because I gave in that first time, it will never be easy to say no again. Because I gave in, I set myself up for a long, hard fight that I wouldn't have been in in the first place if I hadn't let my pride get in the way of God's wisdom.
You may be a Christian, and you may live it with all your heart. I consider myself to be someone who lives like a follower of Christ should. But it doesn't mean that you're immune to the desires of your flesh. I don't care how Christ-like you think you are or others think you to be. It can happen to anyone.
I never believed my parents or youth pastor when they said that you get into situations you never thought you would, and that you're faced with choices you never thought you'd consider. But I was wrong; and if you ever think that you're above the desires of your flesh, you're wrong too.
Self-control and morals and values and being a Christian and loving God are all wonderful things. But trust me when I tell you that giving in to sin doesn't have anything to do with any of that. It doesn't matter. Because we are all susceptible to sin, and resisting temptation is not as easy as you might think. Don't think that because you have self-control, you won't say yes to sin when you're faced with the opportunity. Because you will. Don't think that you're the only one who can say no. Because I did, and I let that mindset get me into a mess that I never thought I'd be in. Don't let pride keep you from knowing your weaknesses.
We are all weak. But God is strong. And even when we mess up colossally, He is there to tell us that we are forgiven.
"Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." Matthew 26:41
