When Trust Is Broken

When Trust Is Broken

Once it’s gone, can you ever get it back?
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As a species, humans depend on forming bonds and connections with each other for survival. Relationships are complicated in and of themselves, and there is a variety in types of relationships—friends, family members, employers, significant others, etc.—that further complicates the subject. As we let new people into our lives and let them learn more about us, we become increasingly vulnerable. Thus, we run the risk of being let down and hurt by others. It hurts to have this done by casual acquaintances, but the pain of having a loved one blatantly disregard your feelings cannot be quantified. We entrusted our most important thoughts and feelings to them, and they betrayed us.

Trust is one of the fundamental building blocks of strong relationships. It serves as the foundation upon which a bond develops, providing a sense of stability. As you build a new relationship, you gradually gain someone’s trust and they gain yours, and the closeness deepens as time passes. This process happens naturally and, usually, easily… until one party does something to break that trust. Then you are left standing hurt and confused, surrounded by all the debris of the relationship.

Why do we humans, who desire such close relationships with others, do things to break a loved one’s trust? We invest long hours and a lot of energy to earn this trust, and in a split second, it can so easily be thrown away. Trust can be destroyed in many ways: Dishonesty, disrespectful behavior, insensitivity to someone's feelings—any of these can leave you feeling wary, questioning how you ever felt connected to such an individual. As someone who does not trust easily to begin with, I am quick to distance myself once I feel betrayed.

The scariest and saddest part of it all is that the people who hurt you the most are the ones that you never expected would do so. The closer the bond, the more vulnerable you become. If a co-worker or casual friend does something to hurt us, we may be angry or disappointed, but we can usually move past it fairly easily. Betrayal by those closest to you, however, cuts deeply, like an old rusty knife, and it takes much longer to heal. To be sure, it will eventually heal, but it will undoubtedly leave a scar that cannot be fully hidden and will continue to ache from time to time.

So if you want to form lasting and loving relationships, here is my advice: always be honest. Sometimes the truth hurts, but an upsetting truth is much easier to forgive than a hurtful lie. Let your actions and words show that you value the other person and the relationship. Once you establish a connection with someone, try not to take it for granted. Life can be very lonely unless we share the journey with others. If you are enjoying close bonds with the important people in your life, celebrate that and be careful to protect them. If you have been hurt, do not let those feelings of betrayal control your future. The process of healing is hard, but each of us can find a way to move forward and find peace. Ultimately, the benefits of our human relationships far outweigh the risks of betrayal. As time allows us to heal, we inevitably look to build new bonds with new people. All of these experiences, both good and bad, enrich our lives and help us grow into better, stronger individuals.

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17 Empowering Bible Verses For Women

You go, girl.
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We all have those days where we let the negative thoughts that we're "not good enough," "not pretty enough" or "not smart enough" invade our minds. It's easy to lose hope in these situations and to feel like it would be easier to just give up. However, the Bible reminds us that these things that we tell ourselves are not true and it gives us the affirmations that we need. Let these verses give you the power and motivation that you're lacking.

1. Proverbs 31:25

"She is clothed with strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future."

2. Psalm 46:5

"God is within her, she will not fall."

3. Luke 1:45

"Blessed is she who believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her."

4. Proverbs 31:17

"She is energetic and strong, a hard worker."

5. Psalm 28:7

"The Lord is my strength and my shield."

6. Proverbs 11:16

"A gracious woman gains respect, but ruthless men gain only wealth."

7. Joshua 1:9

"Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

8. Proverbs 31:30

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised."

9. 1 Corinthians 15:10

"By the grace of God, I am what I am."

10. Proverbs 31:26

"When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness."

11. Psalm 139:14

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made."

12. 1 Peter 3:3-4

"Don't be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God."

13. Colossians 2:10

"And in Christ you have been brought to fullness."

14. 2 Timothy 1:7

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."

15. Jeremiah 29:11

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'"

16. Exodus 14:14

"The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm."

17. Song of Songs 4:7

"You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way."

Next time you're feeling discouraged or weak, come back to these verses and use them to give you the strength and power that you need to conquer your battles.

Cover Image Credit: Julia Waterbury

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The Disrespectful Nature Of My Generation Needs To Stop

Why choosing phone games over a Holocaust survivor was my breaking point.

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While many students that attended Holocaust survivor Hershel Greenblat's talk were rightfully attentive, I noticed, out of the corner of my eye, a few outlier students tapping away on their phones. They were minute movements, but inappropriate nonetheless.

Immediately I became infuriated. How, I thought, fuming, did my generation become so blithely unaware to the point where we could not proffer basic respect to a survivor of one of the most horrific events in human history?

Perhaps the students were just texting their parents, telling them that the event would run a bit long. 10 minutes later, my eyes diverted from Greenblat back to the students. They were still on their phones. This time, I could see the screens being held horizontally—indicating a game or a show was being played. I wanted to get up, smack the distractions out of their hands, and ask them why they thought what they were doing was more important than a Holocaust speaker.

I will not waste any more time writing about the disrespectful few. Because they could not give Greenblat the time of their day, I will not give them mine. Instead, I want to focus on a massive trend my generation has mistakenly indulged ourselves in.

The Greenblat incident is only an example of this phenomenon I find so confusing. From young, it was instilled in me, probably via Chinese tradition, that elders should be respected. It is a title only revoked when unacceptable behavior allows it to be, and is otherwise maintained. I understand that not everybody comes from a background where respect is automatically granted to people. And I see that side of the story.

Why does age automatically warrant respect? It is the fact that they have made it this far, and have interesting stories to tell. There are exceptions, perhaps more than there are inclusions.

But this fact can be determined by the simple act of offering an elderly person your seat on public transportation. Sure, it can be for their health, but within that simple act is a meaningful sacrifice for somebody who has experienced more than you.

Age aside, at Greenblat's talk, majority of the disrespect shown might not have been agist. Instead, it could have been the behavior students just there for the check-in check-out extra credit that multiple classes and clubs were offering. While my teachers who advertised the event stressed the importance of attendance not just for the academic boost, but for the experience, I knew that some of the more distracted students there must have been those selfish, ignorant, solely academic driven cockalorums.

I stay hopeful because majority of my classmates were attentive. We knew to put aside our Chromebooks, regardless of note-taking, and simply listen to what Greenblat had to offer.

It would be wrong to label my generation as entitled— that's a misnomer for the generation before. We are still wavering between the line of automatic respect and earned respect, but we need to set a line for people whom we know the stories of. Especially a Holocaust survivor.

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