While thinking about what to write this week, I found myself procrastinating on Facebook and Instagram. As I went further and further down the rabbit hole of old social media posts, I got more and more embarrassed by the statuses, captions, and photos I’ve posted over the years. So, for your viewing and reading pleasure, I have compiled a photo from each year (some with original cringe-worthy captions) that I’ve had a Facebook account in an effort to look back at who I was and the transition into who I am now. At least, as far as social media’s perception/portrayal of me is concerned.
Our journey begins in 2009. I was in eighth grade. My mom was adamantly against social media sites, but she and I accidentally created my Facebook account when trying to watch a video a friend had sent me the link to over Gmail chat, back when that was a super popular thing. In my novice social media usage, the majority of my status updates were lyrics from songs, quotes from movies, or silly statements about things that had to do with very few of the people on my "Friends" list. As far as photos are concerned, there were a lot of mirror selfies (this was the time before front-facing cameras, oh my), such as the one featured right here.
Ah, what a time to be alive. I was 13 in this photo. I had my first pair of super-cool rainbow colored glasses, and was trying on my dress and jewelry for the upcoming 8th grade dance. Also take notice of the Paul Frank monkey-logo phone case and low side ponytail with clipped-back bangs. Peak 2009 fashion right here. I've (hopefully) come a long way from here, although I think I still have that dress hanging in the back of my closet somewhere. I was trying to figure out who I was, mostly in terms of the way I looked and the people I hung out with.
From here, we go to 2010 and my freshman year of high school. I went to high school with very few of my middle school friends, so this was a year of transition. It was the year I got my very own Coolpix digital camera (featured in photo below), straightened my hair at least three days a week and was trying as hard as I could to grow up. On Facebook, I shared my (very, very, painfully) amateur photography attempts (photos taken with above-mentioned Coolpix digital camera), as well as more selfies and mirror pics taken in the high school bathroom with two of my closest friends at the time.
I still thought it was cool to stick my tongue out in pictures, had the same rainbow glasses I rocked in middle school, and wore string bracelets on my wrists and ankles until they fell off. Like many of my fellow 14-year-olds, my straightener was my best friend and I was learning how to do my "everyday" makeup. I was still pretty much the same kid I had been the year before, but now in a new school without all my old friends. Sometimes I still feel like the girl in this photo: kind of awkward, kind of cute, clearly trying to be cool and confident. And in a lot of ways, on some days, I am still very much this person, just now with different (although still eclectic) glasses, wavy hair and slightly nicer clothes.
Moving right along, we find ourselves in the treasure trove that is my Facebook profile in 2011, aka sophomore year of high school. In addition to doing art and taking art classes, I was trying to be and look "artsy," as evidenced by the sketch of a nose and lips you can see on my wall in the photo below. My room was decorated in drawings and various projects from the past school year, in an attempt to be indie and cool. It was also the year I finally figured out how to work the webcam on my first laptop. I never video-chatted anyone, but I took lots of selfies. It was also the year of the "Duck Face," so many, many webcam selfies occurred like the one below.
By 2011, I had started wearing my hair in its natural wavy state almost every day, and experimenting with contact lenses more. I still wore pretty much more T-shirts and jeans every day, and had yet to do anything to my caterpillar eyebrows, but I was branching out more in my fashion choices for special occasions. I'm pretty sure that for most of us, 10th grade is one of the most awkward times to be alive. I know it certainly felt that way for me, and if the caption that accompanied this photo is anything to go by ("When you have the ability to laugh at yourself, you have everything you need to be happy"), my Facebook posts were nothing less than cringe-worthy. I sound like a cliché Pinterest board – but then again, so did most of us at the time.
Following the cheesy inspirational quotes phase, we reach 2012. Junior year. Finally an upperclassman. Thinking about the future, growing apart from old friends and trying to find new ones. Also the year I didn't cut my hair, and wore belts with every other outfit. Junior year was a tough one, something I think a lot of people can probably relate to. Classes are hard, everyone is on you about colleges and jobs and the Future, and, at least in my case, my friend group and family dynamics were changing drastically. In true social media form, though, my Facebook profile saw none of the bad and all of the good. Some of the mediocre, too, made to look better than it really was. I pride myself on being pretty honest and candid about myself, even on the internet, but 2012 was tough.
This year really changed my social media presence. I stepped away from quirky/cliché/overly peppy status updates in favor of photos with cleverer captions, or no captions at all. While in years past I had tried to create cool, unique photo albums with some sort of theme, I started favoring the chronological album instead, this one titled "Junior Year: Putting the class in Upper Classman." If you were in high school any time 2010-15, "clever" titles like this must be familiar to you. Junior year was kind of like my seventh grade emo/scene phase all over again (as far as my attitude and outlook were concerned)–– we can all remember the stress, and probably don't wish it on anyone.
In a slightly more optimistic turn, we have now reached 2013 and the beginning of the end of high school. It was senior year, and I was determined to have a blast. Like so many of us experienced in our adolescence, I went into the year "talking" to someone. The first few months were spent hanging out, keeping things casual, and generally not talking about the fact that we liked each other. I had my senior Homecoming, which was part awesome, part underwhelming (kind of like all of high school, right?). I went to New York City (which was part awesome, part wonderful), my time with Spiderman in Times Square featured in the photo below, which was my profile picture for a while.
If you're like me, you have some friends' moms as Facebook friends. They're usually the ones who comment on photos like this, with something cute or motherly. You'll also notice in this photo dark lipstick and my hair in a messy bun, two fashion staples of that year. I still haven't let go of the dark lipsticks, but my messy bun days are few and far between. I had big, trendy glasses, but still held onto the rainbow colors I started rocking back in 2009. Clearly as I've gotten older I haven't changed so much as evolved (like a Pokémon, am I right?).
2014 was a big year. I graduated high school in the spring and started college at Rice University in the fall. Although my Facebook posts had gotten less embarrassing (although I may feel differently five years from now), they were still a little offbeat. Clearly, I was still trying to figure myself out (still am, tbh), and this was nowhere more obvious than on my Facebook profile page. By this point, I had over five years' worth of social media detritus floating around.
I don't know how you social media purgers do it, deleting all the old stuff. Sometimes I think it would be nice, but most of the time I don't want to let go of the memories. That's part of what was so fun about writing this article–– although I felt second-hand (or really just firsthand) embarrassment for my younger self, it was a nice trip down memory lane, revisiting old experiences and friends. That's a lot of what I spent my time doing in 2014 – thinking about the past few years, and hoping that the next few in college would be bigger and better. It seems like ever since I graduated I've been setting and resetting the goal of having more of a life for myself. I certainly have more of a life now than I did then, but it's still not always quite what I wish it was. Also, please notice in this photo that I'm still wearing string friendship bracelets on one of my ankles, a la 2010 Marley.
For everyone who has ever been to college, you know that freshman year is an experience unlike any other. It was much the same for me in 2014 and 2015 at Rice. Free from high school dress codes, living on your own, faced with opportunities and experiences you may have never known existed. Mostly, we all worried about making friends and finding a place to fit in on campus. Looking through the old photos from this year, I see a really wide variety of people, some of whom I'm still close to, have actually grown closer to, while others I've parted ways with.
It's easy to see the transition in friend groups and interests by going through the social media evidence. What's cringe-worthy is the sometimes overly optimistic captions like "can't wait to do college with you" posted with a photo of you and your roommate. The caption itself isn't completely horrible–– what makes it kind of embarrassing to look back on is the fact that you never really hung out with the girl in the photo again, and besides saying "Hi" to each other in the dining hall, you barely interact. But it's okay, freshman year Marley. Everyone experiences this to some degree, especially that first year. Let's also please take a moment to talk about this picture. I don't know why it occurred to me that it would be a good idea to stand on a chair. That's awkward. Also note the striped Sanuk shoes which, despite not being featured in a photo here, I'd had for years, and still have. In addition, at this point I'm still rocking the big rainbow glasses. So even though everything changed this year, clearly some things remained the same.
And that brings us to this year. No cringe-worthy photo or status update, as of yet – at least, not that I can tell right now. I'm sure in five years, whether or not Facebook is still around, I'll look back at all the things I'm posting now and feel some more second-hand embarrassment for my younger self. I think we all feel that way when we go back through old memories, or think about what we were like when we were younger. It makes it really easy to want to avoid looking at or thinking about the past, which is not necessarily a bad thing. But, I will say that having these sort of social media records of who I was and what I was interested in, the kinds of people I hung out with and the things I did, helps to remind me about who I want to be, and the kinds of people I want to surround myself with. I've come a long way since 2008–– in a lot of ways, I'm not the same girl in the red dress taking a mirror selfie. But in a few ways, like my glasses or my slightly off-kilter personality, I haven't changed much at all. Here's to looking back, even if it's embarrassing–– and here's to looking forward, to the next eight years and to all the questionable evidence that will be left behind me on the Internet.
