We were in my car parked outside of a small medical center and a Baker's in Fontana. It was well over 110 degrees outside as I opened up to her and she told me something that later resonated in a dream — you can't tie people to you like strings.
While the metaphor seems obvious in principle, the conversation it stemmed from is what made those words stand out to me in a more pronounced way. I'm guilty of being a hypocrite. I expect. I expect people to do things or act a certain way, but then boil with resentment when they feel the same towards me.
As someone with an overactive imagination, I like the image of people as colored threads that I tie to my fingers or ankles, keeping them in tow with me wherever I travel and tugging on the one I need the most, having them right there. If only the mind wasn't so inventive, then perhaps the reality of letdown wouldn't sting so much or so often.
The fault of human nature is that we tend to believe in people, but often more so than we should, attributing qualities to them that may be true, but not always realistic in every situation. Basically, if someone does not text me back, I assume the worst of our relationship and myself. On the other side of this, there are currently three messages from different people in my phone that I have yet to reply to from hours ago.
See? That whole hypocrisy of exceptions thing rearing its ugly head again.
I fall in love fast and hard, and not even in the romantic sense. Compliment me, bring me a coffee unsolicited, offer me a book recommendation that made you think of me and I'm yours. You're stuck with me. Relationships build quickly for me, but so does the inevitable reality that people have lives that don't revolve around mine, and while I totally understand that, I probably already picked which arm to tie them to.
Like strings.
I have friends who come from similar places as I do and we work well in tugging on each other, but for those who don't, it is a maturing process for people like me to understand that people treat relationships differently. For me to be frustrated at those who hold different expectations of our relationship than I do is unfair in how I view my relationships with others.
Pardon the mouthful, but the reality of human companionship is aggravating and complex, but also makes it that much more rewarding, right? I would like to think so.
So for all the little strings I have attached to my limbs — and you know who you are — I'll cut you loose, unless of course you want to stay tied on ... in which case, pick a hand.
