How to be good to others by being good to yourself

The Person You Should Be Putting First Is Yourself

Caring for yourself doesn't have to be selfish.


I have a theory that goes as such: the advice that we much enjoy giving is on subjects that we are the least qualified to talk about.

For example, I find myself frequently dishing on the topics of friendships and relationships, even though I wouldn't be considered a "social butterfly" in either of those settings. My general lack of knowledge led me to question, what makes a good friend? This led to: what makes a good girlfriend/boyfriend, spouse, sibling, coworker, mother, father? And the answer I finally came to was this: In order to be a good "fill in the blank," you have to put yourself first.

Now I know this sounds selfish. We don't like the idea of putting ourselves above the needs and desires of others, but I truly believe that the only way we can give effectively to those around us is by first taking care of ourselves.

One of my close friends and mentors once said, "The Dead Sea is dead because there is no life pouring into it, therefore no life can come out of it." She was referencing our need to be in connection with God and others who will grow our faith so that we can disciple and give life to the people in our community. But this saying can easily be expanded. If you aren't receiving life in the form of your passions, dreams, spirituality, and calling, then it's going to be very difficult to love others fully. Taking care of your mind, body, and soul first ensures that you are able to give freely and generously to the people you care about. And this ultimate act of "self-care" isn't selfish.

Staying home from that party, distancing yourself from that friend with toxic thinking, spending a few extra minutes getting ready in the morning... none of those things make you selfish. I think most can agree that the things listed above wouldn't make someone inherently a self-centered person, but what about the bigger decisions in life? What about taking a job that moves you away from your family or giving up time with your kids to go back to school? Even with big choices like these, you should put yourself first. I am a strong believer that following your heart and dreams makes you a better person, and by pursuing what you want with your whole heart, you are giving your loved ones the best version of yourself...

...the version you know they deserve.

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An Open Letter From The Plus-Size Girl

It's OK not to be perfect. Life is more fun that way.


To whoever is reading this,

My entire life has been a juggling match between my weight and the world. Since I was a young girl every single doctor my family took me to, told me I needed to lose weight. The searing pain of those words still stabs me in the side to this day. I have walked past stores like Hollister and American Eagle since I was 13.

Being plus-size means watching girls the same age as you or older walk into a store that sells the cutest, in style clothing and you having to walk into a store that sells clothes that are very out of style for a young girl. Being plus-size means being picked last in gym class, even if you love sports.

Being plus-size means feeling like you have to suck it in in pictures so you don't look as big next to your friends. Being plus-size means constantly thinking people are staring at you, even if they aren't.

The number on the scale haunts me. Every single time I think about the number I cringe.

Can I just say how going shopping is an absolute nightmare? If you haven't noticed, in almost every store (that even has plus sizes to begin with) plus-size clothing is closed off and secluded from the rest of the store. For example, Forever 21, There are walls around every side of the plus "department."

Macy's plus department is in the basement, all the way in the back corner. We get it that we are not what society wants us to look like but throwing us in a corner isn't going to change the statistics in America today. That being that 67% of American women are plus-size.

My life is a double-digit number being carved into my jiggly arms and thunder thighs. It is me constantly wanting to dress cute but turning to running shorts and a gigantic sweatshirt instead so that people don't judge me on my size.

It is time that the American society stops making plus size look like a curse. It will never be a curse. If every person was the same size, what would be the point of uniqueness? I will never despise who I am because while I was growing up multiple people told me that I needed to be a size 6 in order for a guy to fall in love with me. I will never hate myself for getting dressed up and being confident.

To all the girls reading this who may be plus-size,

It's OK! You're beautiful and lovable. If you want to buy that crop top, buy it. Life is too short to hide behind a baggy T-shirt. We are just as gorgeous as the girls that we envy. Be the one to change the opinion of the world. Fat rolls don't need to be embarrassing. Your stretch marks are beautiful. Don't ever let the world tell you not to eat that cheeseburger either.

In the end, this earthly life is temporary. We are on this earth for a blink of an eye. Don't let anything stand in your way. Wear the bikini, the crop top, and the short shorts. Post the sassy selfie you've had on your phone for 6 months and you won't post because you have a double chin or your head looks "too big." Who cares. BE YOU and love yourself while you're at it.

I'll start.

Cover Image Credit: Victoria Hockmeyer

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Life Is So Much More Than Ourselves

The lives we live are really so much bigger than just ourselves.


I hope people hear this loud and clear when I say that this generation of people and quite frankly our society as a whole has become one of the most selfish to date. I really hope people reading this don't take it as me calling people out, "throwing shade" or bashing humanity, I'm just trying to put out a call to action but in a more blunt way.

This generation subconsciously lives by the "me, my, mine" lifestyle. Everything is all about us, and what we want and immediate satisfaction or gratification from the things that we do in life. We always want someone to notice what we are doing, that we did it and we want to be acknowledged for it. Our wants and desires power so much of what we do and how we react to what others do and so on and so forth. Also, kind of piggybacking on that, we tend to believe or live by the idea that, "yeah it happens, but it's never gonna happen to me" which can be a major issue when it comes to decision making. This is because we don't think about how it affects anyone but ourselves, usually in the immediate sense rather than the long term.

With that being said it can become an issue when we choose to ignore the other things going on around us like, "oh, someone else will get it." and then things like the trash epidemic and the state at which our planet and country is in now. We have become so self-absorbed that it's to hell with everything else. The places that we call home and the world that we know is falling apart and we are all just gonna sit by and watch like nothing is happening.

I am tired of the mentality that we as a society live in, and how we try to desperately to look great on social media but do nothing about it in real life. It is time that things change and we are the ones changing it.

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