I'm currently living in limbo. This 'limbo' being the summer that lies at the intersection of graduating high school and moving back to the bottom of the food chain as a college freshman. I'm still getting over the shock of one phase of my life ending, and not quite yet prepared for the new chapter that I'm about to begin.
In this in-between, I find myself clinging to the people closest to me that are in the same situation. In the back of my own mind, the minds of my friends, and my mother especially, there is a secret countdown to the day that we load up the car and drive to new homes away from home.
No one enjoys bringing up the countdown, except to lament its looming presence and often accompany its mention with exclamations wishing for more time.
The time I have left in my hometown dwindles by the day. I have found myself trying to make as many lasting memories as I possibly can with the friends that I have grown so close to over the years. In the next month, we will all splinter into new and different directions, and no matter how many times we say "we're going to talk every day," and "I'm going to FaceTime you all the time," it goes unsaid that in a month, nothing is going to be as it has always been.
I'm stuck, torn between not wanting to ever leave this endless and too short summer with my closest childhood friends, and being overwhelmingly excited and terrified to move to a new city that's over 10 hours away from my hometown. I'm excited to move in, and make new friends, and take the classes that I actually want to take, and live on my own, and learn about a place so different to everything that I'm used to — I'm also terrified that I'm going to be homesick, and not be able to just drive home to see my family, or that when I try to call my friends from home they'll be too busy with their new lives to actually catch up.
In this limbo, I'm thinking too much, and not enough. I have a million practical things that I need to get done, and yet all I want to do is ride around in my car with my best friend, the windows rolled down and blasting our favorite songs. All I want to do is stay up too late talking about the things that actually matter, or nothing at all, just spending time with the people I love. All I want to do is go to my favorite restaurant and order my favorite pimento cheese sandwich with a sweet tea and remember every last glorious bite. All I want to do is sit outside on my back porch and talk to my mom for hours.
In the coming weeks, I look forward to the days that I have left with the people that I love — but I will also bring to the forefront of my mind the countdown as it gets smaller, and my time in limbo comes to a close. I soon will be finding a new 'family' that will hopefully be my home away from home.
