Nothing's harder than telling your loved ones something that you have never told them. Thanks to the stigma attached to transgender people, there is a lot of fear and anxiety associated with coming out to your family. Sometimes a letter is all you need to get the right words out. Here's to the parents of every transgender person in America. May compassion and understand guide you to continue to love and support your children.

Hey y'all!

I spent many months reflecting on what I'd say and how I'd say it. This scene played over in my head time and time again. How do I write a letter to my parents and expect them to read it too? Mom and Dad, more than anything else, I want you to recognize that [insert dead name here] is no longer here, but I am still the same person. I'm the same person- same personality, different appearance. [Insert dead name here] had once been a part of how I identified most of my childhood, but no more. I have always known that something has been different about me, but I have never been able to figure out exactly what it is. I have come to terms with what my gender means for me, and I am hoping that you will too. I would love nothing more than for our family to be together again. Here's to compassion and understanding as you all figure out what you are willing to compromise, as well as what you are not willing to give up.

What does it really mean to be trans? It's not just a label. It's an identity. It's a part of me that heavily identifies who I am, who I was and who I am bound to become. As a part of my transgender identity, I started hormone therapy a week and two days ago. That’s eight days that I have been on testosterone. Despite what the family has continued to push upon me, I am sure that this is not a phase. This is what I want. I can assure you that this is exactly what I want to do.

The past has nothing to do with how I identify now. Despite how I have dressed, or how I have acted, or how I have expressed myself in the past, I am sure that I need to take hormones in order to be my most authentic self. In fact, I look forward to what I have deemed as “injection day”. This is one of my favorite days because my injection is one of the few things in my life that I have control over. I am truly blessed to be able to take hormones and find a family at the LGBT center.

In addition to hormone therapy, there are surgeries that I plan to get in the future to help with my gender dysphoria and depression as well. (Gender dysphoria can be defined as when a person experiences negative feelings or has a negative reaction as a result of the gender that a person seems to be, which is often different from their actual gender expression.) The surgeries that I am sure that I want in the near future are top surgery (to finally flatten my chest) and a hysterectomy (to get rid of my female-identifying organs and/or tie my tubes). There is no changing my mind in any of this, but I would ask that you would support me. Your support would give much more help to me than it could ever hurt me.

As I have made it abundantly clear, I identify as genderfluid and transgender. With these identities, I have found the pronouns that I wish for people to use when referring to me are either they/them/their pronouns, as well as he/him/his pronouns. These pronouns help settle my gender dysphoria a lot of the time. Therefore, I believe that you can see there is a reason that I ask for proper pronouns. I would like for you all to learn to use my preferred pronouns. Refusing to use these pronouns on purpose can be seen as harassing me. It may seem that it is extremely easy to misgender people, but allow my potential gender dysphoria to dissuade you from doing so. Once again, I am giving you both time to breathe and reflect on what you have just read. Based upon this, I encourage you to consider next steps to find effective ways for the three of us to have those conversations.

This is who I am now. My name is Alexxander Shane Andersen, and I identify as genderfluid and transgender. I ask that you have patience with me as I continue to find myself and pursue my most authentic self. In turn, I will have compassion and understanding as you ask questions as they come up, and as you process whether you want to be a part of my gender journey. This has been something heavy on my heart for the past few months. Because of this, I pray deeply for compassion and understanding for all those who are learning about the gender spectrum, as opposed to the gender binary.

Sincerely,

Alexxander Shane Andersen