Trans Bans

Trans Bans

Rationality takes a backseat to malice

The recent news that transgendered individuals will be banned from serving in the military came out of nowhere, given that it was not too long ago that trans people were first allowed to openly serve. Since then, I've seen some backlash on social media, but less than the now-infamous 'covfefe' typo received. Because of that, I feel it is necessary to address this turn of events in an article of my own.

Some have argued that this decision is for the good of trans individuals, as gender dysphoria is crippling and puts everyone in harm's way in battle. This is demonstrably false. Thousands of trans people have served in the military, and gender dysphoria has not caused them to fall over in the heat of battle and die like some would expect of them. Even with constant persecution exacerbating the issue, the stress caused by gender dysphoria has not prevented trans individuals from serving, even as Navy Seals.

Trump is not worried about safety, anyways. Trump says he is worried about medical costs of gender-related surgeries and treatments "burdening" the military. The Pentagon has commissioned a study that said costs would be negligible. Several Republicans- including Senate Armed Services Committee Chairman John McCain himself- have opposed this policy as being entirely pointless and harmful. A number of past and present military serviceman, cis and trans alike, have spoken out against the policy as being harmful more than anything.

This "risk" presented to the wellbeing and financial security of the military and its members by allowing trans people to serve is about as real as the "risk" of women being raped by people pretending to be trans if we allow trans people to use their preferred bathroom- which is to say that it's not really a risk at all, but people will still continue to act as if there is. Historically it's baseless and data from states that already allow it proves that rape rates have not risen in those areas, as does testimony from police officials in said areas, but people will still irrationally fear it out of oftentimes subconscious biases.

No amount of reason is making a difference here because these decisions aren't being made with reason, they're being made with knee-jerk emotional reactions. People aren't willing to educate themselves enough to change that, and there are too many people in power who are willing to take advantage of this ignorance. Hopefully, enough pressure can be mounted to undo this reckless decision.

Cover Image Credit: The Daily Beast

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30 Things I'd Rather Be Than 'Pretty'

Because "pretty" is so overrated.

Nowadays, we put so much emphasis on our looks. We focus so much on the outside that we forget to really focus on what matters. I was inspired by a list that I found online of "Things I Would Rather Be Called Instead Of Pretty," so I made my own version. Here is a list of things that I would rather be than "pretty."

1. Captivating

I want one glance at me to completely steal your breath away.

2. Magnetic

I want people to feel drawn to me. I want something to be different about me that people recognize at first glance.

3. Raw

I want to be real. Vulnerable. Completely, genuinely myself.

4. Intoxicating

..and I want you addicted.

5. Humble

I want to recognize my abilities, but not be boastful or proud.

6. Exemplary

I want to stand out.

7. Loyal

I want to pride myself on sticking out the storm.

8. Fascinating

I want you to be hanging on every word I say.

9. Empathetic

I want to be able to feel your pain, so that I can help you heal.

10. Vivacious

I want to be the life of the party.

11. Reckless

I want to be crazy. Thrilling. Unpredictable. I want to keep you guessing, keep your heart pounding, and your blood rushing.

12. Philanthropic

I want to give.

13. Philosophical

I want to ask the tough questions that get you thinking about the purpose of our beating hearts.

14. Loving

When my name is spoken, I want my tenderness to come to mind.

15. Quaintrelle

I want my passion to ooze out of me.

16. Belesprit

I want to be quick. Witty. Always on my toes.

17. Conscientious

I want to always be thinking of others.

18. Passionate

...and I want people to know what my passions are.

19. Alluring

I want to be a woman who draws people in.

20. Kind

Simply put, I want to be pleasant and kind.

21. Selcouth

Even if you've known me your whole life, I want strange, yet marvelous. Rare and wondrous.

22. Pierian

From the way I move to the way I speak, I want to be poetic.

23. Esoteric

Do not mistake this. I do not want to be misunderstood. But rather I'd like to keep my circle small and close. I don't want to be an average, everyday person.

24. Authentic

I don't want anyone to ever question whether I am being genuine or telling the truth.

25. Novaturient

..about my own life. I never want to settle for good enough. Instead I always want to seek to make a positive change.

26. Observant

I want to take all of life in.

27. Peart

I want to be honestly in good spirits at all times.

28. Romantic

Sure, I want to be a little old school in this sense.

29. Elysian

I want to give you the same feeling that you get in paradise.

30. Curious

And I never want to stop searching for answers.
Cover Image Credit: Favim

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I'm In Love With A Transgender, So I Married Him

It's not any different than being married to the love of your life.


I talked about dating a transman, being engaged/planning a wedding and now I'm married to him. My second article talked about relearning about the person that I was in love with in What's It Like To Date A TransMan. I went on to talk about being engaged to my love. It was a whirlwind because we were battling societal norms mixed with traditional wedding stresses, but when you think about it wasn't worth my grey hairs. Weddings are sometimes the most stressful situation in a person's life.

To be honest, being married to a Transgender male isn't any different than if I married another human. Transgenders are human and experience the same things as biological genders. He is the same man that I fell in love with 3 years ago. When you fall in love with a transgender, you meet all of the sides of their personality all at once. Just like a "normal" person, they go through changes. When you marry someone, you marry all of their transitions. A person can be a way one year and be different the next. If you take marriage seriously, you will end up with "multiple spouses" in one body.

Marriage is what you put into it. You wouldn't expect to take out more money then you have in your checking account, so why would you take out more then you put into your marriage. During the last year, my husband and I put a lot of thought into our lives, and we went into this marriage knowing that we were going to have it rough the first couple of years. We aren't a traditional couple nor do we have a socially accepted beginning of marriage. Neither one of us has a college degree and we aren't stable financially, but we aren't going through the rough parts alone. There is a certain encouragement when you have your spouse to support and be your cheerleader during these times.

Growing up, I never thought I would get married. I thought that I was a weirdo for loving everyone as they are. Just a few years ago, I knew about Transgenders but I didn't know much about the topic. I knew that they are human and are going on a different journey than I am. If you would have told me back then that I would be married to my best friend who happens to be Transgender, I would have told you that you have a couple of nuts and bolts loose.

Marriage is different for everyone and being married to a transgender is an experience that I feel like no one should look down upon. I find that there is more love in someone who is going through a challenge of experiencing who they are then other biological sex relationships. There is a spark when you have someone to help you through the roller coaster of hormone therapy and the multiple surgeries that go into a transition. My husband and I's relationship isn't perfect because we still have some growing up to do but I wouldn't trade the experience for the world. He has made me a better person because of his journey.

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