Having a brother with special needs leads to a different way of living. I’m not saying that it’s either good or bad… it’s simply different.
Everyday aspects around the house may take more time, life tends to be a constant routine, and our holiday vacations may center around a doctor's appointment across the country. As the youngest sibling, none of this seemed too strange to me because I grew up with it and it was just a natural part of life. Like I said earlier though, it's not like it’s good or bad, it’s just different. As I grew older, I started to realize that our family was different than most. Sometimes I wished that things could be more normal and that I wouldn’t have to deal with some of these abnormal aspects of living in my life. But through these experiences growing up I have naturally developed many different traits such as patience and striving for perfection.
Around my house they call me Patient Paul…not really. To say the least, patience is one thing that I have never been good at. I hate standing in lines, waiting longer than I believe to be necessary, and people wasting my time. The last two of those happens on a daily basis around the house. Whether it’s the 10 minute decision to choose which movie to watch, or the naturally slow pace of getting ready in the morning, this is where my patience is truly tested. At home it’s hard for me to truly see how my patience has grown, but once I get out of the routine of the house, I see that patience is actually a trait I have greatly improved. One of the most important aspects of patience in my life is it has led me to be slow to anger. Being quick to anger can lead to rash decisions, fights, and overall a lot of bad outcomes. But having patience alleviates anger and can put a person in more favorable situations. Without a doubt I’m still not perfect and get angry on occasion, but I have learned the value of patience through the day-to-day activities of living life with a sibling with special needs that tests that skill every day.
Another trait I really didn’t know I was developing was striving for perfection. This is a trait that I have never really thought of as tying in with having a sibling with special needs, till I heard it in the context of striving for perfection to make up for the siblings imperfection. It’s hard for parents and even siblings of kids with special needs to see that their child or sibling does not fit in with the “norm." Whether it’s a mental, physical, or even a mixture of both; frankly put there are glaring imperfections about the child. Clearly we aren’t all perfect, but the imperfections of people with a disability are more prevalent. Thus for me having a sibling with a disability, led me to strive for perfection; to in a sense equal out the imperfections of my sibling. For me personally this manifested in my school work and behavior. I always wanted to excel in school and not cause many other behavior problems for my parents to deal with. It came from a sense of guilt in knowing my parents already had so much on their plate dealing with the personal care needs of my brother, I never wanted to place a bigger burden on their shoulders.
Speaking specifically to those that have a sibling with special needs or interact with those with special needs on a daily basis, I want you to really look at your life and see what enhanced traits you have because of your sibling. Without Joel, I wouldn’t be as patient as I am today, or maybe even be at the same academic level I’m at solely because of these traits that have been naturally instilled in me throughout my life. Hopefully you will find that the traits inside of you will lead to a stronger self identity.
