For all girls who have been in a toxic relationship
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Toxic relationships

This is a note written for my ex, who was a narcissistic asshole.

Toxic relationships

You hurt me more than anyone ever has before. You lifted me up and then dropped me. You left me there while shattered in a million different places. I barely knew which part connected to the others. I trusted you with my deepest darkest secrets which you used against me. You used them against me to trust that no one could ever love me the way you did. You would say malicious words that were like a tiny little dagger to my heart each time you spit them at me. I remember crying over you every night and at the right time you would come in to comfort me. It is like you knew, like you had a line tied to my emotions and each time you would come back. You only came back to make things harder for me. I thought you cared and were wanting to comfort me, when in reality, it was to make me dive deeper into you. You held me at night when you were intoxicated telling me how you cannot do life without me. Then the next day, it was not the truth to you. You played with my head to make me not believe in myself; believe in myself that I could do better than you. You showed me real love for the first couple months and then all the sudden a light went off. I saw the true side of you. A dark, horrific demon that attached itself too me and was sucking all of my energy out. You took my truth away from me. Through all of that, I still loved you. I believed the person that I saw when there was alcohol in your system, which was just wrong. One day, you just decided that I was no longer good enough which led me to believe I was not good enough for anyone. I was so lost.

I watched you fall for another girl. I watched you look at a girl the same way you looked at me. I also watched you fight for her way harder than you even thought to fight for me. At night, I would lie awake wondering if you are sharing the same conversations that you did with me. I thought about all the times I was trying to find all of you in someone else. I never truly realized why I was looking for such terrible characteristics in someone else. I guess, I was wanting the you that made me feel special and loved but I now know that those were all flawed manipulation tactics. And at the end of the day, you won. I had to pretend I was okay with it. I tried to convince myself that I was over you. Meanwhile, I was dying even more inside.

I, however, have decided that you will no longer have that control and that emotional tie to me. I will no longer give you the power to make me feel useless and unlovable. I have decided that I am strong, beautiful, loving, kind, passionate and all of the things you tried to make sure I was not. You no longer own me in any way. You are merely a memory I want to forget. I promise, next time you see me, I will be the person you spent all of your energy wanting me to not become.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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