1. You get blamed for everything.
Rationally, you know that not everything is your fault, but they'll try to convince you otherwise. They're absolutely perfect and incapable of any wrongdoing while every downfall in the relationship is because of you. They constantly try to make you feel jealous? It's your fault because you don't spend enough time with them. You have to cancel plans unexpectedly because of bad weather or a family emergency? Obviously, an excuse so you don't have to see them. Even things that are blatantly their fault are twisted around on you.
2. You feel like you're walking on eggshells around them.
If you second-guess every word or action for fear that it might upset them, it isn't a healthy relationship. Communication should be open, honest, and have no nervous energy about it. Angry outbursts or negative reactions of any degree when you share your opinions can be extremely damaging to your self-confidence in future relationships. It may be difficult, but your sense of self worth will take much less of a hit the earlier you get out.
3. Gaslighting.
"You're crazy, it didn't happen that way." "Oh, come on. Now you're just making things up." If you hear these phrases from them frequently, you're probably a victim of gaslighting. The term is a form of emotional abuse that causes the victim to question their own memories, feelings, and eventually overall sanity. This gives the abusive person control because they've caused their victim to distrust themselves and believe they can't survive without their abuser's (mis)guidance and direction. If you feel like you're being gaslighted, it's important to take anything your abuser says with a grain of salt until you can completely cut off contact with them.
4. Their jokes are condescending.
They'll insult you and tear you down, and when you confront them about it, will dismiss it as a harmless joke and tell you you're too sensitive. A little teasing here and there is okay, but when it borders on abuse (ex: comments about your appearance, mental illnesses, etc.), they aren't joking. Their intent is to hurt you and make you feel weak and soft for being affected by it.
5. You never feel good enough.
If you're constantly questioning your worth and seeking validation, you aren't in a healthy relationship. You feel like you can finally take a breath when they compliment you, as if their approval is necessary for survival. You try as hard as you can to impress them constantly to the point where you can never truly relax because you could always be doing something more to gain their attention and affection.
If any of these signs resonate with you, please visit http://www.thehotline.org/ to figure out how you can get help. Nobody deserves to be a victim of abuse. You're worth so much more.
