I hear the term "Toxic Masculinity" a lot. I decided to look into what it really meant and why people were talking about it. More or less, toxic masculinity is an idea that male gender roles hurt men. I have found some of the major "roles" that men have or are supposed to have in our society and I'll be going through my perspective on them all.

Being gay is unmanly

A lot of people have talked about this idea that men are expected to be heterosexual and when they are seen as gay they are less than. I think for this one it really depends on one's views of homosexuality and homosexuals. Most young men may call each other gay but aren't really anti-gay. I think what it boils down to is what is normal and when people step out of that they may be called out for it. Most people are straight and that's normal but if a guy does something "gay" it usually means they are doing something that isn't normal behavior. Although many people I know don't really care whether someone is gay or not so I don't think being gay is really the issue. I think if a heterosexual male is seen as gay then he is seen as more effeminate. We'll come back to that later.

Masculinity=Violence

Many people think if you're masculine you have to be violent or a jerk or lift weights all day but I don't buy this one. Superman and He-man are physically strong but they're superheroes. You can be strong and not prey on the weak. Some guys are violent while others guys aren't, it doesn't really matter what size they are.

Crying is unmanly

This one is probably the most popular because people cite the male suicide rate as a result of keeping emotions in rather than expressing them. The problem I have with this is that men, in my opinion, are supposed to be the man of the house. Because of our physical strength we have to protect our families, spouses, friends, etc. Crying doesn't help. Men have to be the ones to defend their loved ones. They have to be the leader because their wives and children are looking up to them. If a man cries when things get tough, what hope does his family have? I think the role as a protector is much more important than allowing men to cry but I would also add that people should learn to deal with their emotions and that may be why the male suicide rate is so high because they can't deal with what is happening to them.

Now some people may say that women should be independent of men and a man should be allowed to be "effeminate" because that would be sexist against women if being like a girl is something to be frowned upon. First, I have never heard anyone say that women should not learn to defend themselves or be self-sufficient. The idea is men should defend their families because women most likely cannot defend themselves against a man. Second, being effeminate for a guy kind of comes back to the idea that they should be protectors of their families. Being emotional doesn't really help in those situations. Furthermore, I think there are a lot of expectations on men, which can be seen as toxic but I think that men should fight to meet these expectations for the well being and happiness of others.