Dear G,

I'm done with you.

I really am this time.

I promise.

This time, I mean it.

Okay, I am lying--lying to you and lying to myself. I want to be done with you so bad. I feel it so deep in my bones that I need to be done with you, but I know it's not going to happen any time soon.

You're my best friend even though you annoy me. You know things about me that I tried to keep secret. I let you into the deepest pit of me and opened up the cage to my heart, letting my fears and secrets come to light. I showed you the ugly side of me--the side of me who has been broken down and embarrassed. I revealed myself as the scared little girl with scars running deep underneath her skin. I embraced my insecurities and let you close enough to have a grip on me. I opened myself up to you, presenting the delicate china within me.

I told you everything about me including the fears that swirl around in my head. I told you all the things I loved and everything I hated. I told you how I loved few people and how I hated the dip of my hip and the size of my chest. I told you about the self-doubt that I was only willing to open up about in the late times of the night when no one was around. I gave you everything that I had and asked for nothing in return except the comfort of your arms whenever I was in need of a brief moment of happiness.

You were my perfect harmony, being the person who whispered sweet nothings into my ear in the late of night. You reminded me I was beautiful and gave me a form of salvation I had never expected. You became the person I went to whenever I needed some peace of mind.

I had only read about this kind of thing in romantic novels. I had only imagined up this kind of connection in my dreams, but here you were, the first guy who did not run away from all of the insecurities I hid. You stayed around and pulled me out of my own misery. You became the light in the darkness I clothed myself in.

We were not perfect though. Jealousy and self-doubt lingered underneath us. You always seen me more beautiful than I could see myself. You always seen me as the girl with all the likes on her pictures and the messages through her social media. You always saw me as the girl that every guy wanted. However, I only saw myself as the girl with too much gloom and damage for another guy to understand.

Ultimately, you got scared of me. I guess all these feelings I was beginning to feel were not one-sided. You were terrified of the kind of forever I was presenting to you, so you destroyed me by finding another. You were scared that I was going to break your heart, so you dismantled mine before I had the chance.

You cheated. It's that simple. You found a girl willing to give you a few minutes of pleasure, and you took advantage as if I was not enough. You gave into the lust of another female as if I was not giving it to you. I was supposed to be beautiful enough for you. I was supposed to be kind and supportive enough for you. I was supposed to be enough for you. I gave you all the love my stitched-back-together-heart had to give. I supported you just as much as you supported me. I gave you everything I had despite the flaws I brought to the table, and you cheated as if I was not suitable for you.

When you cheated, you took that small amount of trust I had away. I gave you so much trust, but when you cheated, I no longer could provide trust to anyone who showed me the same support you had. You cheated on me without a care in the world for a reason you could not even give me.

Then, you came back into my life, saying that you understood what you did was wrong. You placed yourself back into my life, explaining that you had nothing to offer me. You returned to me, blaming your lack of loyalty on the pain of the relationship before.

"I'm not going to do anything but break your heart."

It was such a cop out--you and I both knew that, but I let you have it. I could not get away from you though. I had wrapped your existence through mine, entangled within one another--like a pair of headphones in a jean pocket. I could not get rid of you even if I tried.

Therefore, I went back to you and got myself more entangled in everything you were. I felt myself falling deeper and deeper even though you went out of your way to hurt me even more.

Everything was different between us this time around though. There was no trust to anything you said anymore. I could not believe that anything you said was the truth anymore. That trust I had once given you had been stomped on by the mistakes of you.

However, butterflies still swarm my stomach when you call me. My ears still burn red when you grab my hand in public. My head felt like it's spinning when you kiss me. On the other hand, my head still aches when we are around each other for more than an hour-an-a-half. My eyes still pour when you leave due to me never being sure if you are leaving to be laid up with another lady. My heart still cracks when you remind me that we will not be anything more than what we were--friends.

I stayed around though you constantly reminded me we were never going to be anything more. We had conversations talking about the unspoken feelings deep within us. We had brief moments of ecstasy when we were alone. When we laid up together in the late nights, we pretended as if the world around us did not exist. In our minutes together, we allowed our uncertainty about one another and then disappear.

Then, you would get scared again, argue with me again. You would remind me that we were not together as if I had somehow forgotten. You made me aware of the fact that we were both single and meant nothing to one another--as if I forgot that I was never going to be the only girl for you.

"I'm not going to do anything but break your heart."

I hate everything about you. I hate that you start arguments with me only to turn them around onto me and make them my fault. I hate that you make my problems minuscule in comparison to yours. I hate that you pull me back into your bubble only to remind me that you want no future with me. I hate that you do not want me as your girl, but you do not want me to find love with another guy. I hate that you're my peace. I hate that I compare every guy to you, and I hate that you know that you are nothing good for me but choose to stay with me.

The love I have for you is something I will never be able to get rid of. My love for you is like an infection that I wish I could cut out of my body. I feel it swim in the bottom of my gut. The infection settles in my intestines and reaches into my throat. I love you in a way I wish I did not. I know I will be here for as long as you let. I know that I will love you as long as you are in my life. It is frustrating to have someone in your life who plans to only be around long enough to waste your time. Despite all of the chemistry and attraction for one another, a relationship is never meant to work between us, but I am still here waiting as long as you will let me.

Sincerely,

Me