Let me start off by saying thank you for being another lesson in this thing called life and another example of what I don't want... especially what I don't need.
You were my best friend. You were my go to. You were my right hand. You were my better half. You were the person I turned to when my world was tumbling down. You were all of this, but now you're another chapter closed in my book. Thank God I closed that door and kept walking away every time I wanted to turn around.
You took advantage of me, and you KNOW you did. I'm the type of person who will let you walk all over me, and won't say a word. I'm the type of person who sees every inch of good in you that I possibly can, and I even make excuses for the bad. You used that to your benefit and tried controlling me. I couldn't hang out with certain people without you having something to say about it, I couldn't wear white pants if you were going to wear white pants, I couldn't have boy problems since you were single, I couldn't listen to that song because you didn't know it. Anything that you could control, you did because you KNEW I wouldn't say anything to you and cause conflict between us. You basically used my heart against me.
You were SO selfish. I shouldn't have to put myself last because you "needed" me. You didn't need me though, you needed the attention. You needed the feeling of being wanted and loved. You needed something that you should've looked for in yourself. I tried and tried to "fix" you every single day, but I couldn't and you took that out on me like it was my priority to be your saving grace. You made me choose between you or my family, you or my schooling, you or my job, you or myself. Yet, you NEVER chose me. It was never about me and that's not the way it's supposed to work. When did you EVER go out of your way for me? Anyone who knows you and I can answer that for me... never. You EXPECTED me to go out of my way for you EVERY day. It was exhausting.
Everyone around me saw it and they knew I would eventually learn my lesson. A part of me wishes they would have said something to me earlier but I know that I would've told them it's about how you treat me and not them, even though I was blinded by who you really are.
So this is my goodbye to you. This is goodbye to the exhausted nights after not being good enough for you. This is goodbye to all of the times I wasted coming to you. This is goodbye to all of the memories I thought were good. This is goodbye to the negativity bringing me down. This is goodbye to feeling unwanted. This is goodbye to hopelessly wondering what more I could do for you. This is goodbye to having to explain myself. This is goodbye to the most toxic relationship I've ever been in. This is goodbye to you turning this around on me. Most importantly, this is goodbye to apologizing when I was the best that I could be to you.
I've finally learned that's it's okay to give up and walk away from people who are absolutely no good for you. It's okay to take care of yourself first. It's okay to not apologize for being yourself. It's all okay.
So when you're missing me and need a friend, keep it to yourself. You were bad news to me and you started killing who I was slowly. I couldn't go out, be happy, or be myself without you trying to find something wrong with it. I'm begging you to NOT come back around expecting another chance.
I hope and pray you become the person I thought you were, every single day so that maybe no one else will have to go through what I did with you.
I want nothing but the best for you, but I've realized that I don't want to be by your side when you finally get there. I'll watch from a distance and send you my love.
Good luck with the rest of your life.
Love always, peace out girl scout.
