If you Google “blog topics” (which I embarrassingly did) you will get an array of stupid topics mixed in with a few intriguing ones. One website suggested that I write about “Disc Golf” (didn’t know that was still a thing?) or “Recipes for Couples Without Children” (aka making a meal for two). While scanning all of these ridiculously boring topics, one jumped out at me. “How to do a He-tox”. First off, I had no earthly idea what this term meant. I once heard a friend of mine use it but I thought she was just referring to some new detox juice cleanse thingy that claimed she would lose 5 pounds in 3 days or some other ridiculous weight goal. I clicked on the topic to do some further investigating. The original term was thought up by Greg Behrendt, author of It's Called a Break Up Because It's Broken. Here’s what I learned (thanks to Urban Dictionary):

A "shetox" or a "hetox" are both essentially a cleansing of the opposite sex from one's life. They can be focused on one individual (cleansing one's ex-boyfriend or girlfriend from one's life) or they can be a result of a stressful period of time that involves too much dating.

A spin-off of the term "detox", in which one cleanses their body from built up toxins by only eating certain healthy foods and not ingesting any processed foods, alcohol or drugs (caffeine included) for a set amount of time (usually 30 days, or less for more intensive detoxes), a shetox/hetox involves going for 60 days or more without ANY interaction with the opposite sex, i.e. NO phone calls, no emails, NO text messages, NO dating, NO CONTACT, NO MATTER WHAT.

**Side note: I personally don’t believe in the “she-tox” because men have an uncanny ability to move on very quickly. Furthermore, it is likely that if the girl broke up with him, she isn’t answering his texts/calls anyways. In my experience, a girl only breaks up with a guy for 2 reasons. 1) she met someone else 2) he cheated. But there is the rare instance where they just grew apart.

Now initially, I thought this was just another preposterous trend thought up by a broken hearted girl who can’t get over her ex boyfriend (been there, done that). But, as I began pondering this originally absurd idea, I realized this is actually brilliant. Here’s my take on why.

You cannot be friends with your ex. It is impossible. The only reason two people who have dated and now successfully (key word) maintain a healthy friendship is because they were never in love in the first place. Do you see Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston meeting for coffee or chatting it up on the red carpet? I don’t think so. (Still bitter about that break-up for the record, aren’t we all? #teamJen). So if you cannot be friends with your ex and you’ve already tried dating, that leaves nothing at all. No relationship, no friendship, no nothing. As harsh as that it, it is the easiest and best solution. Trying to remain friends with your ex is like trying to pet a caged tiger, you’re going to get your hand bit off. Those friendly texting conversations are just an exchange of lies about how splendid both of you are doing without each other. That friendly run in of “it’s good to see you” and “how are you doing?” when you see him at the same bar is bullshit because it’s the same bar you would go to together on Friday nights. This type of friendship does not exist and if it does, it won’t last for long. Because eventually he will stop responding to those texts, you won’t talk every day or even every week, and it will drive you insane. Leaving your mind to wonder into a million different scenarios as to why he isn’t texting you when deep down you know- his texting attention is on someone else. Because one of those nights you are going to run into him with another girl at that same bar, and you will cry. It will shatter your heart into a million pieces and thus you will never speak again. Those once run-ins will turn into you spying him out the corner of your eye and walking past without a word said.

After these catastrophic events happen, you are forced to face the fact that he moved on. Someone else is now occupying his time and attention like you once did. This is why the “he-tox” is such a brilliant idea. The he-tox allows you to skip past the “trying to be friends phase” and straight to the “moving on phase” but without the harsh realization and heartbreak of seeing him move on. It works like this: for an entire 60 days, (or 1440 hours or 84,400 minutes) there is to be no emailing (in the rare event that you or he still uses email as a modern form of communication), texting, Facebooking, Tweeting, Instagramming, calling, going out with or communicating with your ex. This allows you to call the shots. So instead of sitting around wondering why he’s not responding or what he’s doing, you are blissfully ignorant to the amount of times he has (or hasn’t) tried to contact you. Now this will not be easy, but in the long run, you will avoid lots of crying, thousands of calories (from Ben & Jerry’s pints of Half Baked), and a few bottles of wine. Here’s a few tips to a happier he-tox:

• Block his number. It is much easier and less tempting to respond to his nice or naughty text messages. That way it looks like you are ignoring him but you really just have no idea he even called.
• Workout and eat healthy. There is no better revenge than looking hot and making him regret he ever ended things.
• Change something. Whether it is a new haircut or a different bedspread, change is good during this time.
• Get rid of everything reminding you of him. Don’t go to the restaurant y’all went to every anniversary and throw away his sweatshirt. This includes pictures, they are the worst of all evils.
• No pity party. You are allowed two nights. One that involves junk food and The Notebook and the other that involves your best friends, the best bar in town, a hot outfit, and LOTS of drinks. Other than that, don’t wear your break up out into the real world. You look so much prettier without it.
• KEEP BUSY. If you sit around thinking and over analyzing things, it will get worse and you will be tempted. If you keep busy, he will slip your mind and before you know it another day has passed. Another day you become stronger.
• Personally, I suggest finding a hobby or starting a project. (My project was writing this, for example) Hey, I heard disc golf is fun.

So put on your big girl panties and say goodbye to your toxic relationship and jerk of an ex. You might not find the healthy, loving, and lasting relationship immediately, but you will become infinitely better at coping with breakups and in the process, you will waste a lot less of your own time. xo