On Wednesday, April 27, 2011, I faced the biggest challenge of my life. I was finishing my breakfast when my dad walked into the kitchen and said, "Daddy loves you, be a good girl." Off to work he went. My grandma was watching my brother and I that day. She told us to go get dressed because we needed to go to the hospital. When we arrived at the hospital, it was pouring down the rain, and we were all soaked. Bryan and I found it hilarious; however, my grandma did not.
We were led into a room where I saw my mom and a tall man standing in the corner. Who I later found was my half brother that I hadn't seen since I was younger. Only being eleven years old, there was an innocence and invincibility to me. I didn't know pain or how life really worked. My mom was crying hard and I couldn't understand why. "Daddy passed away." The words seemed to roll off her tongue so easily, but they couldn't set in. So many emotions rushed through my body at once, and I couldn't think straight.
Although those were the words that just came out of her mouth, I still thought when we walked backed to the hospital room I would see my dad's big smile. This wasn't the case. His suit was cut up and on the ground, and his shoes were in a plastic bag in the corner. I thought it was somewhat disrespectful. I looked up, and wish I hadn't.
In many movies or shows you see the flat line on a screen, but to see it in real life is heartbreaking. If I could take any moment in life back, it would be looking up to that screen. The sound was off but I could hear the God-awful ringing in my ears. The sight of it still haunts me when I close my eyes as I lay down for bed. Days, weeks, and months passed, but nothing became easier. The whole world seemed to be crashing down around me. Every day I had hoped his Escalade would pull in the driveway and I would wake up from this bad dream.
I let myself go and I changed into a person I didn't like. The way I treated others was different like someone was out to get me. I even changed the little things, like my tone of voice. I felt nothing but pain, and life got hard. Looking back, I wish my eyes could have been more open to the people around me. I am surrounded by amazing people, and I wouldn't have it any other way. My mom has been supportive of me in every way possible, and I'm blessed to have the friends I do. They will stay up late to calm me down, to reassure me that everything is okay, and to tell me that they will always be there for me.
After facing many unfortunate events, I've learned to take everything with a grain of salt and push on. Every day I strive to better myself, internally and externally. A simple smile could make someone's day so much better. I may not be able to change the world, but I can try one day at a time. As I grow into a young woman, I make my decisions hoping to make others proud and know my dad is watching over me. Saying you never know what you had until it's gone may be cliché, but it is so true. Some people take so much for granted, and if they could go back and change things, I know they would.
Losing a parent is the hardest thing to go through in life. People may say they understand, but they really don't unless they have personally gone through it. Every memory is a struggle to think about without being upset. I pray for another day and just one more conversation to say, "I love you". Any moment on Earth could be our last, and I refuse to spend it on bad terms with someone. Tragedies do happen and good things don't always come out of them. There will always be a tiny bit of anger towards God for taking my best friend. I lost my faith and I may never fully return to it. Life isn't perfect and may not always go our way. Through the bad times, you must learn to roll with the punches. These are the truths in life we must face, no matter how badly it hurts.
