It’s kind of sad that something scary has to happen for me to realize everything I’ve been taking for granted.

I can breathe. My lungs don’t need me or anyone else to tell them to fill up with air and release it. My blood flows through my veins and arteries without help of machines or medicines. I walk and run without braces on my legs, and I don’t have to sit in a wheelchair to be able to get from place to place.

Every day is the same for me. I don’t ever sit back and think about how lucky I actually am to have all of these things working out for me.

And I have God to thank for all of it. I have my father, my creator, my savior. I have someone who loves me in a way that is incomparable to any other way I could possibly be loved. And I take that for granted.

I know I don’t deserve the love God has for me. I am a sinner. I am human. But He loves me anyway.

Life can change in the blink of an eye. Anything can happen. I don’t say that lightly, either. We don’t think about it a lot, about everything we have to depend on. If one chemical imbalance happens in our bodies, our entire system could fail. If we sneeze driving through an intersection, we could miss the person stopped in front of us, and very potentially injure either ourselves or someone else. And that’s not something we think about a lot. And I’m not really sure if it’s something that is meant to be thought about often.

But one of the things that’s hard for me, and I’m sure a lot of other people to understand is, if God loves us as much as we believe, then why do bad things happen to good people? Why does cancer exist? Why do babies, children, the entirely innocent, get sick? Why is it that the people who have the hardest lives go through more pain than I do? Why, God? Why?

I wish I had an answer for you. I really do. But I only have an idea.

Sometimes, God is just a little bit more excited to spend forever with you. It’s hard. It is so hard to watch someone you love suffer. But, I know God has a plan for everyone. He knows already what we’re all going to go through in our lives, and if we ask for His forgiveness, we are promised eternal life. and my heart is softened by that.

All of this makes me realize my worth and everything I am living for. I know I have a lot more questions than answers, but I almost think that’s God speaking to me, making me wonder. He just doesn’t want me to know the answers yet.