Let me start off by saying that I see right past the front you put up to keep up your reputation and your image. I understand all of the private struggles, fears and doubts that you hide from everyone else so that no one will doubt how perfect your life is. I know that sometimes at the end of another long day, once you're behind a closed door and you're sure no one is watching or judging you, you break down because it feels like the pressure is killing you.
You get told on a daily basis how much your friends and loved ones admire you. They regularly marvel out loud at how on earth you manage to juggle all of the things you do, and say things like "I just wouldn't be able to handle all of that," or "I don't know how you keep it together, I can barely get myself up in the morning." And so you smile brightly, laugh and respond with something along the lines of, "Oh, it's not too bad!" or "I just like to stay busy!"
What they don't know is that on a regular basis, you question if it's even worth it. Whether you're taking 19 credit hours trying to get into nursing school or juggling being a college athlete with Greek life and an internship, or possibly all 4 of those things, sometimes staying in bed and sleeping sounds like a much better option than handling all your responsibilities. When things slip through the cracks and you accidentally mess something up, it puts an actual physical pain in your stomach because you know you let someone down. People look up to you, so you have to do everything correctly. You feel humiliated because you're supposed to be perfect, right?? You question every decision you've ever made, every choice you have to make, every sacrifice you have to put yourself through.
Listen closely. First, take a deep breath. Stop stressing over whatever you're currently freaking out about. The responsibility to keep the world spinning does not fall on your shoulders. It is not your job to impress everyone, and no one actually expects you to do everything right. Even though I know that people telling you they're proud of you and that they look up to you is like the fuel that keeps you going, just know that they're going to love you the same even when you mess up. I know it's easy to start to believe that you "having it all together" and being the "perfect" girl is the reason that your friends and family love you, trust me. That's not true though, they love you because you're driven and passionate and caring, not because of all those other things.
Also know that it's okay to ask for help. When it's 10 pm and you've been bouncing back and forth between working on a paper and studying and meetings and practice all day, and you just need someone to listen while you cry about everything, it's okay to knock on your roommate or sister's door. It's okay to admit that you have flaws, to let people in and let them help you keep yourself from going crazy. Because if I know anything about the type of person you are, which I think I do, I know that you always go out of your way to help the people you love when they need it, and I know they're going to want to do that for you too.
But most of all, make sure to give yourself some credit. Stop getting so caught up in the minor details, in mistakes you've made, in that one thing you messed up three years ago that you're sure everyone still remembers. You're doing the best you can, you're working your ass off, and you're doing amazing. Stay strong and keep your head held high.
