Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2016
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Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2016

2016 has been a tumultuous year for music and in general. But I'm only here to talk about the bad music. I'm counting down the Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2016

Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2016
Arizona Capitol TImes

Happy Holidays everybody. (Yes I keep it P.C. on this page.) I hope everybody is having a great holiday weekend with their friends and family, and hopefully spreading a little holiday cheer. Of course with the holiday season being upon us, that also means that it is time to reign in the New Year, and give a swift kick in the ass good bye to 2016. Perhaps one of the worst years for music since I have been alive. With that in mind I am going to be counting down the Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2016. I will be doing a Top Ten Favorite Songs list next week. However, I really felt that this was such a lack luster year for pop music. So little was worth caring about one way or another. Not much was good enough to care about, nor was it bad enough to care about. Make no mistake though, these songs are bad, and I have no intention of ever listening to them again after I write up this list. Most of the songs that are included on this list and will be included on the Best list are songs on Billboard’s year end list, and anything that made it into the Top 40 on Billboard this year. That is the criteria, now without further ado, let’s get into it with our number 10 pick.

10. H.O.L.Y: Florida Georgia Line

Nothing holy about this song, I can tell you that. Starting the list off we have one of the worst country bands working today. I really hate the lead singers voice, the more I listen to it, the more it gives me a headache. But about the song itself I’m not against the concept in itself. Certainly there have been other songs comparing the feeling of being in love to being high on some kind of drug. However, this song is so sloppily done. It’s poorly written, none of the lyrics are put together with any thought of coherence. The chorus goes “She’s holy, I’m high on loving you”. I understand that’s the acronym, but what do either of those two statements have to do with one another? The rest of the song is just disgustingly sweet religious juxtapositions that don’t work at all. It’s like washing down a bowl of sugar with maple syrup, it’s disgusting.

9. Panda: Designer

There was a lot of terrible hip hop that made the charts this year. This song was one of them. One of the reasons is that it barely feels like a song. It repeats the chorus for what feels like forever, then it goes into the only verse on the song, then chorus a few thousand more times until Designer decides it’s time to cash in his paycheck. It’s barely a finished song. The remix of this song that Kanye West did on “The Life of Pablo” felt more complete than this song does.

8. One Call Away: Charlie Puth

The award for worst chorus of 2016 goes to Charlie Puth, Oooh God. You have a problem? Well never fear because Charlie Puth is going to swoop in and save the day! Because he is just one call away. That is this song in a nutshell, it’s absolutely ridiculous. “Superman got nothing on me.” *he types while rolling his eyes* That line alone earned this song a spot on this list. That has to be the worst lyric of the year. This song also has all the sincerity of the friend zoned high schooler. Which is not much. Poorly written to the point where it’s laughable. This song could work if the guy performing it had any charm or charisma to make him believable as a hero character but he doesn't. If I ever had a problem I could think of many people I would call before Charlie Puth. This song was designed to make the teenage girls of his fanbase, which is all of them swoon. And it's probably working. Clearly I don't know anything.

7. Needed Me: Rihanna

Much like “Panda” this song feels like it wasn’t finished. It sounds like they wrote a chorus and a couple verses but couldn’t figure out what to do next so they just ended the song. Although now that I think about it that’s actually a positive thing to say for the song is the fact that it ends. The fact that it doesn’t continue to abuse the listener. This song is mercifully short, but what they do present is a three-minute nightmare with auto tune. The beat sounds like a pounding migraine put to audio. And the lyrics are nothing more than the ramblings of a sociopath. It’s a song bragging about how she doesn’t feel anything when she does it with this I’m assuming ex flame. (Nothing in this song is specified in detail.) Clearly she doesn’t care otherwise she wouldn’t have paid money to songwriters to have this song written and then paid money for studio time to have it recorded. Rihanna portrays herself as the crazy ex-girlfriend who will tell everyone that you aren’t over her, even though she is clearly the one struggling to get over you. This song isn’t bad, it’s horrible

6. Toothbrush: DNCE

This song didn’t make it on the year end list and it just missed the Top 40, so I’m breaking the rules for this one, but it peaked at 44 so I figure that’s close enough. Plus, there is no way I could leave this off the list because this song, is crap to the tenth degree. The thing that makes this song so bad is that it started off as a good idea, but then it was given to Joe Jonas. The chorus says she could leave a toothbrush at his place, that suggests he wants her to stay for an indefinite period of time I.E. live together. That’s nice, that could have been a good song but it was executed in the worst way possible. “When you’re standing there, in your underwear” That makes him want her to live with him. Forget the fact that he uses the word underwear in this song, which I think is on the list of words you should never use in a romantic song. But seeing her standing in your place in her underwear says to me that you think she makes a good center piece. That or you’re just thinking with the wrong head in this instant. Especially since some lyrics suggest that this started as a casual hook up. Point is I don’t think you really thought this through Joe. Also the singing sounds like Joe Jonas got kicked in the nuts while blowing a dog whistle. It’s not pleasant.

5. One Dance: Drake featuring Wizkid and Kyla

Hi Drake… Like “Toothbrush” there was a good song somewhere in this idea. They just didn’t finish it. Seriously this song’s lyrics sound unfinished. It got off to a promising start, they wrote a decent intro and hook then ran out of ideas and decided to loop the chorus forever. Alright that’s not true there is a verse, but it’s very short and it jumps all over the place topically. There is no consistency in this song besides the fact that he has a Hennessey in his hand. Let’s talk about the instrumental. No it’s not good. I don’t know why Drake just felt like tropical dancehall when he made “Views” because this isn’t the only song off that album that has this kind of sound. But Drake needs to walk away from that because he does not sound good over it at all. And it opened the door for countless other artists to jump on the tropical band wagon and make bland tropical dancehall rip offs of their own. Much like “Panda” this song sounds unfinished. It’s about a minute of musical ideas copied, pasted, and stretched out into a three minute song.

4. Treat You Better: Shawn Mendes

Another nice guys anthem. This is a guy who thinks he can treat a girl better than her current boyfriend can. However, before I get into the real reason I hate this song let’s talk about Shawn’s singing voice. It’s so bad. I may be in the minority on this one but to me it sounds like nails on a chalkboard. Anyways back to the song. I hate songs like this. Where this guy has a friend who’s a girl and she has a boyfriend who isn’t him. But he secretly wants to get into her pants so he tries to convince her to leave her man and sleep with him. That’s what this song screams out, especially in the chorus. There are no suggestions coming from the girl that she is unhappy with this guy. Any “evidence” we have that she may not be happy comes from Shawn Mendes’ very skillful deductions from his powers of observation. Yes, that was sarcasm. But it’s okay because Shawn is a “nice guy." You know who else thought he was a nice guy? Elliot Rodgers. Need I say more?

3. Juju on that Beat: Zay Hillfiger featuring Zayion McCall

Yep there was some shitty hip hop that came out this year. Juju on that Beat, that’s another. Where to start with this one. How about that beat? What about it? Is it even there? Does it matter? It sounds like they bought it out of a gumball machine. I’m not saying you have to make a masterpiece for a rap dance song but at least pretend to try. No creativity was exercised here. What about the lyrics? What about them? It’s a rap dance, I’m not really holding them to a high lyrical standard. However, if you are trying to teach your audience a dance that is going to catch on, give them proper instruction. There are two lines of instruction for this dance in the whole song, and one of them is to do the running man. A dance that already exists. More proof of the lack of creativity for this song. I’m getting a headache just thinking about it so I’m going to stop thinking about it and I am going to move on.

2. Me Too: Meghan Trainor

After “Dear Future Husband” I didn’t think Meghan Trainor could get any worse. Hey look at that! She did. By ditching the whole 50’s doowop throwback sound she was using which was the only thing about her music that made her stand out in any way. Give her a generic pop instrumental, infuriating lyrics, and horrible pitch shifting which flow like sewage through this instrumental, and you have “Me Too." I’ll admit the bassline is catchy but that’s all I’m going to give this song. I’m also fine with Meghan Trainor being grateful for her good fortune. She even says “I thank God every day, that I woke up feeling this way." That’s fine, but then she turns around and starts flaunting her good fortune into the faces of those she thinks are less fortunate than her. Meghan, you can be thankful and still humble. I know people who are well off, that don’t rub it in others faces. Those people are called decent human beings. She also raps the verses, and whoever told her that she can rap, must get fired. That person has no business working for Meghan Trainor. Meghan does a lot of bragging on this song, there is absolutely nothing to brag about here.

1.Work: Rihanna featuring Drake

This was a really bad year for both Rihanna and Drake in terms of music quality. Both released horrible albums and both had multiple charting singles off those terrible albums. But of all those between Drake and Rihanna, this was the worst. I could not stand this song from the moment I first heard it. And it only gets worse the more I continue to hear it. Rihanna really is a talented artist and a great singer when she applies herself. She is not applying herself to this. Her singing on this song is unlistenable, especially on that terrible chorus. “Work work work work work work”(X Forever). I can’t do justice in this written format just how awful that chorus is. It’s sadistic really what she forces me to listen to on this song. Make no mistake, the blame for this rests only on Rihanna. Not the instrumental, this instrumental actually had some promise but any life the instrumental has immediately gets stamped out by Rihanna’s poor singing. Drake’s verse isn’t so bad now that I’m listening to it again. To be honest I usually turn this song off before I get to Drake’s part. However, Drake isn’t so much the problem here. He does deliver some cringy and questionable lines, but you’re kind of expecting that from Drake nowadays. This is Rihanna’s ship, and she can sink with it.

So that was my pick for the ten worst songs of 2016. I imagine some of you may disagree with some of my picks. I understand, a lot of you and by that I mean all of you are not me and do not share my musical tastes. You may love some of these songs that I picked. And if you like those songs cool keep liking them. As long as you’re enjoying the music, that is all that matters. But if you have any thoughts on these selections be sure to comment and let me know. Enjoy the rest of your holidays and I will see you next week with my Top Ten Favorite Songs of 2016.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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