As finals week approaches us in these hallowed halls here at Worcester, students are definitely feeling the pressure. And as diverse as our student body is, their reactions to stress vary just as much. Quite often, this results in a spiral of existential despair and sorrow, resulting in tears shed by weary students. However, often these tears are wasted, as students simply go to their rooms to cry. But much like real estate, sobbing is all about “Location, Location, Location.” Here is a list of top ten sites to optimize your grief
1. In a tech suite in the library
For those looking to not be bothered by people asking if they are okay, going to a Tech Suite might be for you. Not only can you use it as a prime way to get some studying in, it’s privacy is a major plus for some. A quiet secluded place, nobody passing by will probably hear your sounds of agony brought upon by looming deadlines. In fact, they just might be crying too.
2. On your common room couch, to anyone who passes by
On the opposite side of the spectrum, those looking for a sympathetic ear may want to camp out in a dorm common room. If you want to really get into the mood, imagine you are a rich 1960s housewife in a chiffon nightgown, flung dramatically onto the lounge-chaise in your sitting room, martini in one hand, the other flung over your eyes. Most students on the floor are probably feeling the exact same right now, and will definitely relate to your theatrics. In fact, you could quite possibly inspire them with your affectations so much, they just might start crying too. Do it. Start a mass lament in your common room.
3. The first floor bathrooms in Daniels Hall
A combination of the first two locations, the first floor bathrooms in Daniels are very often unoccupied, allowing for some privacy, but also the possibility of people being concerned. However, the main selling point of these bathrooms is the oddly large single stall within. Due to this extremely lopsided toilet-to-space ratio, you’ll have plenty of room to stretch your legs and weep.
4. In your lecture at Fuller Upper
Although there are quite a lot of people around you in the lecture hall, most people won’t notice if you shed a few tears, because they are trying to pay attention. In fact, you might not even notice you’re crying, it’ll just happen subconsciously. Plus, due to the extremely large class sizes in Fuller, your professor won’t even notice you.
5. Into a DAKA cookie
At this point, everyone and their mother knows just how good DAKA cookies are. Always fresh, always warm, and always in demand. And what better way to drown your sorrows then by grabbing one (or maybe twenty) of these golden-brown beauties to eat your feelings just like everyone else is currently.
6. In the line at Dunkin Donuts
As everyone’s coffee dependency increases ten-fold at this time of year, the lines at Dunkin increase equally. So as the ladies serves the tired students as quickly as they can, you have time to cry simply because of the amount people they have to serve. Take your time as you take baby steps to the front to question all your life decisions. Why did I think going to a school with terms is a good idea. Why did I disregard RateMyProfessor. Why do I always feel like an idiot here. And when you finally get your drink, cry sweet sweet tears of relief.
7. In the middle of the football field
See, the beauty of this location is that this can be executed with or without a game going on. If you go during a game, you get people concerned for your well-being, and a platform to express your misery. The best time to cry when its empty is really late at night, so that the area is deserted, creating a picturesque image. And, if you’re really feeling it, reenact pretty much any dramatic Troy Bolton song-monologue from any of the three High School Musicals. Our colors match East High for a reason.
8. In the Fountain
Located in the crossroads of campus, you’ll certainly make your mark by standing in the middle of the fountain and just letting it all out. Although you may slightly inconvenience a few on their way to class, they can walk around you, so pay them no mind. On the downside, we are in fact in a drought, so the fountain’s waters can’t mask your tears.
9. In or around Skull Tomb
Unleash your inner emo kid by weeping at Skull Tombs. The gloomy area is home to the Skulls, and what better people to support your general dreariness? The darkness of the area will envelope your soul, allowing you to process your emotions. Charlotte Bronte would be proud. And, if you can pull it off, getting into Skull Tomb and crying within it would be absolutely worth the possible expulsion.
10. At Laurie Leshin’s office hours
Possibly the most daring place of all, Laurie genuinely cares about the school and will no doubt appreciate and definitely not be creeped out by your expression of your feelings. Keep in mind, you only have approximately five minutes with her, so make it count by never sitting in the chair across and just laying on the ground in front of her, being as loud and obnoxious as possible. No doubt, Laurie will never forget your face ever again.
