Valentine's day is approaching fast and the pressure is ON. Nailing this holiday takes some effort and finding the right place to take your date is crucial. Here are some absolutely fatal Valentine's day locations that you should avoid.
1. A puppy mill
Nothing kills a hot date faster than the soul-crushing reality of the pet industry. No cologne is going to mask the putrid stench of feces that will bombard you right at the door. Mill-runner Figus will make sure you and your date get a full tour of the facilities starting with the hall of endless yelping, a meeting with Delilah, the over-bred German Shepherd who will lie dormant as she has the life sucked out of her by "the profit," and finally a scenic view of the mass puppy-grave out back. Maybe pack some tissues with those condoms.
2. Your "Hey Arnold"-esque shrine to your childhood crush
No one wants a date where you rant about your exes. What they want even less is to sit next to you as you worship an effigy of a child you were once in love with. If you, like many, decided to take after Veronica and construct one of these then I suggest taking it down before hopping back into the dating game.
3. Fish Museum
An aquarium can be a fun and quirky place for a first date. It's certainly a good shot at connecting if your date's into marine biology. The Boston Fish Museum is none of those things. Instead of featuring well-kept tanks with rare and beautiful species of aquatic life, the Boston Fish Museum is a grotesque attempt at culture featuring only dead fish nailed to pieces of wood. Their "Fish that Make Us Chum" exhibit has been protested on seven different occasions.
4. That vending machine with condoms
You ask if she wants a snack. She says "sure." You walk over to the vending machine. Already an odd choice but she's not too put off. You cram a dollar bill into the machine and utter "choose." She says "most of these are more than a dollar" so you stuff another single down the machine's bill-hole. A press of the keypad and she now is holding a KitKat bar. A thank you. She walks away from the machine. You do not move. She returns. She waits for you to buy something. You slap another two Washingtons into the machine's greedy slit. "Choose."
5. Whatever lurks beyond death
Not knowing where your date's taking you is scary but if he asks you what mankind has pondered for millennia and you still don't know where your date's taking you it might be time to call an Uber. Asking someone to discover what comes after living doesn't give you an air of mystery; it's plain rude. Not to mention a terrible way to get a second date.
