I was sitting in my den one night with a beautiful woman. The pitter-patter of rain against the window and the darkness of my room created the perfect atmosphere for a movie night. Perusing my developed movie collection, I came across a gem from good times past: "Austin Powers." I pulled the first one out from the recesses of my movie closet and blew it clean of dust.
"What is that?" the babe asked me.
I flashed her the cover. Her eyes gaped in bewilderment.
"I haven't seen that since before my mom stopped putting my hair in pigtails every day," she told me. She wanted to watch it. My concurrence with her was shown with a nod. We then proceeded to watch the whole series.
Three of the movies stuck out to me, and what proceeds comes a list—in order of greatness—of the three best Austin Powers movies.
3. "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me"
A truly impressive work of cinematic prowess, "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me" is a gem in the "Austin Powers" series. Mike Myers and Heather Graham didn't necessarily have the same chemistry as the other pairings in the series, however, both of their performances, when considered on their own, were great. Heather Graham's performance was especially surprising, considering her lack of cinematic experience. Also, the continued lambasting of classic spy movies was clever and hilarious, and the introduction of time travel and Mini-Me as the antithetical brother form of Scott adds a comedic dynamic—even though underdeveloped—which spices the movie.
2. "Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery"
The first installment into the "Austin Powers" series left audiences—and me—dying laughing. The concept of a British sex symbol from the 60s trying to adapt to the relative conservatism of the 90s is a difficult one to explore, and its execution could range from confusing to tasteless. "Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery" is none of those things; this movie is inappropriate but not tasteless and at times intelligent with its satire of 60s spy movies. Though it doesn't have the over-the-top comedic value like its proceeding ones, "Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery" is still able to entertain and be quoted from endlessly; a true classic.
1. "Austin Powers: Goldmember"
Normally, the third installment of any series is stale—"The Godfather 3," "Jurassic Park 3," "Spiderman 3," "Postal 3," to name a few—however, "Goldmember" is different. Though it has an A-List cast, though its plot is over-the-top, though it wasn't based in the 90s, it was still an amazing movie. To give you an idea of how amazing I think it is, my girlfriend listened in disappointment as I recited every line of the movie with correct cadence and no mistakes for its first 40 minutes. The chemistry between Mike Myers and Beyonce was the second best of the three pairings. "Goldmember" developed the tension between Scott and Mini-Me to a perfect climax, utilized time travel in the most absurd ways, and broke the fourth wall constantly. Its spy references and jokes were hilarious, its cameos were awesome, and it is endlessly quotable. "Austin Powers: Goldmember" truly is the best of the trilogy.
After our movie marathon, the young cherry blossom turned over to me and kissed me.
"That was a good time," she said.
"It was," I replied.
Gazing into her eyes, I ejected the last DVD, put it back into its case, and slid it back into its spot where it will stay another millennia until I—or my protege—stumbles upon it again.
