As a general rule I'm not a huge fan of listicles. I don't think they offer a whole lot of detail or opportunity for originality. I will, however, recognize how popular they are thanks to their easy-to-digest format. This also makes them extremely handy for making ranked lists. Now I don't have many strong opinions on how certain categories should be ranked; I couldn't tell you how I'd rank the Star Wars movie by other than which ones I possibly liked more than others. I did think of one category in particular that absolutely beckoned for me to rank them, so here we go: my top 10 numbers from one to 10.
10. 2
I find two to be one of the blandest digits available. I mean yeah, two represents the idea of a "couple" but it's just so boring. When have you ever explicitly wanted two of something that you didn't already have two of? I feel like it either has one too many or doesn't have enough Like sure it has symmetry but it doesn't have a middle to it. It's like what comedian Dmitri Martin said (paraphrasing, probably) "If you have two middle names, you have no middle names" and I should know, having two middle names myself. Also, the word "two" has way too many homophones. I just used one, isn't that confusing? Two, to, too many like-sounding words in my opinion. And no, this isn't some sort of thinly veiled hate or jealousy for people in relationships. I'm fine, see? Look how fine I am.
9. 6
Six is almost in the same vein as six except I know for SURE it has one too many. I took a psychology course once on cognitive skills and brain training and a fact that my professor told us is that humans can only quickly recognize when there is a group of five or less. When you have six or more, you have to actually count them. That means six is the primary offender in such a scenario and any additional ones are accomplices to making me waste perfectly good time to count just how many Twizzlers I have left before I have to go back to the store and re-up. Six is a jerk.
8. 7
By now you may have recognized my preference for odd numbers. Well my least favorite of the odd digits is seven. It has the struggles of six but at least is has a leader/representative in the foreground of the group (it's the middle one, it's always the middle one). Counting to seven, at least in my head, always has a fun and satisfying cadence to it. Try it for yourself: ONE...TWO...THREE...FOUR...FIVE...SIX...SEVEN!!! Doesn't that feel good?It feels like you really accomplished something when you count to seven. I can't forget it's too-many-to-instantly-recognize transgression, however, which is why it only clenches the eight spot. MOVING ON!
7. 10
Ten is a hefty number. It's the intro to double digits, which means it's go some real weight to it. You usually got 10 fingers and 10 toes, 10 years make a decade, if you rolling 10 deep then you rolling pretty heavy and have affirmed "probably shouldn't mess with them" status. When I was 10 years old i had an existential meltdown at the thought that I could live for as long as a decade. The world and everything inside it could dissolve away at any given moment as the cold, careless universe kept it's cosmic engine chugging along but none of that mattered, because i was 10 years old. Fun stuff, that day.
6. 5
Five is a pretty decent number. It's definitely the roundest of the odd numbers. It's easily identifiable when a group is of five units, as previously stated above. Five is the perfect amount to show on a hand. Some of the best teams were in a group of five: The Kids Next Door, The Jackson 5, Scooby Doo and the Gang, the list goes on and on. Five is a great go-to number for pretty much any situation; if you have at least five of something then you're in good--nay, great shape.
5. 9
I like nine because it's got nearly the same klout as 10 but it has the leader/representative out there much like five and seven (once again, it's in the middle. It's always in the middle). I mean, I wouldn't mess with any group rolling nine deep, that's just as risky as 10 deep in my book. Y'all remember that movie nine where Elijah Wood and some other people probably voiced those little steampunk dolls in some world where they were always under attack by some machines or monsters or something? Well I don't remember or even really gathered the plot when I originally watched it when it was new, so I'm gonna trust my memory that it was as good as I remember it being. Nine is pretty legit, but we're only halfway through this countdown so let's not doddle on steampuppets, shall we?
4. 8
Eight is a pretty cool number. Though it is large and even, which are two qualities I often don't care for in ranking a digit, I like its associations in nature. Spiders and scorpions have eight legs. Sometimes they have eight eyes too. For humans, eight hours of sleep is right on that line of being a perfect amount: enough sleep that you can function during the day but not enough to feel like an absolute hedonist for sleeping your whole life away. Probably my favorite instance of eight is that octopodes have eight tentacles, and they are my favorite animal. I have a tattoo of one on my calf and you better believe that sucker got eight arms on it. Also, yes, I love and respect the octopus so much I googled the proper plural form. Got a problem with that? Fight me. Not here, though, we still have a countdown to finish. I'll see you by the tether ball pole at 3 p.m.
3. 1
One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do, so sayeth Three Dog Night. But what would Three Dog Night know about the number one? There's three of them. Now, one may be lonely, but one may just prefer the solitude, the absolute wholeness of singularity. One could be lonely or one could be focused. There is little distraction for one, since there is no plus one or plus two or even plus three to draw it's attention away. Only it exists by itself. That's a lot to maintain in today's age. I got nothing but respect for one. Maybe not a whole lot of understanding in it's way of existence, but definitely respect.
2. 3
I really like the number three, it's like a more efficient and compact version of five. You can definitely have five of something, OR you can have three really good of something. You have that middle out there leaving and repping the group but the other two are just as much out there as the one. You can roll three deep and be some bad mamma jammas, like that movie The Devil's Rejects? Three crazy mofos raising hell. Three of them. Three. They didnt need a single one more to the group. The three of them were concise, effective, and proof the devil will only reject a select few from his domain, which may or may not be reassuring depending on what side of the fence you're on.
1. 4
My all-time favorite number from 1-10 by far is four. Here's the weird part: I don't have a clear reason why. I find it the funniest number of the bunch and my go-to response when prompted to provide some number for whatever it is we're discussing. It feels very gratifying to say the word four, with that prominent F sound and the lack of any hard, speech ending letters or syllables. Try it with me: FFFFFFFFOOOOOOOOOOUUUUURRRRRRRRRR-uuhhhhhhh. Feels even better than counting to seven. Speaking of which, counting to four is awesome because that's like what half or more of all music is based on. Pretend your in a punk band for just a quick moment. Pretend your counting off the temp for a song. Here, I'll do it with you. Let's make it a fast one for funsies. "ONETWOTHEFOUR, ONETWOTHREEFOUR!" It just feel amazing, yo. I'm a big fan of four.
Got a top 10 of numbers 1-10 of your own? Let me know in the comments below.
