"Having naturally curly hair is a blessing", they say. "People are willing to pay really good money for your type of hair", they gush. "I wish I had your kind of hair!", they fantasize. Well I'm here to tell you that all of the pre-conceived notions from those who have manageable, Pantene silky hair, are absolutely and without a doubt...INACCURATE!
So let's unleash the crazy wild beast--that is our hair--and discuss the top ten hassles that women with curly hair unfortunately deal with on a daily basis...
1. Your Hair Will Never Fall in the Same Way 2X...So Don't Even Try
When being blessed with naturally curly hair, you live every day like you are playing a really bad game of hair Russian Roulette. You are never quite sure of how your hair is going to make it's appearance for the day, because let's be real, it never dries in the same way twice, you can't even figure out where your natural hair part is anymore, the way your curls look can change in the span of 30 minutes, and the curls have a horrid selfish mind of its own. So let's face it, your hair always looks at its Shirley Temple best on the days you have absolutely no intention of leaving the house!
2. Freeze! Once Your Hair Goes Up...It Stays Up
Don't even get me started on the shenanigans that curly hair tries to pull when being thrown up into a pony tail/messy bun! The first obstacle that a woman with curly hair creates for herself while throwing it up, is the fact that your hair will now succumb to being frozen in time to that exact crazy bundle of hair on your head...and there is no turning back from that. The curls become flat and crazy frizzy, and the only way to resurrect that is to wet it, de-tangle it, and start from scratch.
3. The Unwanted Frizzy Afro...We Meet Again My Friend
The unwanted frizzy afro is as spontaneous as that dream you had where you married Chad Michael Murray and climbed your way to the top of the Billboard Hot 100 charts...it happens without any warning, but when it does appear it is intense! There is no way of stopping the ferocious beast that is your hair, so hopefully you remembered your handy dandy hair ties, so you can victoriously cage those curls.
4. There is a Strict Protocol to Follow...While Styling My Hair
No two sets of curls are the same, so every woman with curly hair has their own bag of tricks--filled to the brim with a smorgasbord of hair products--to deal with their unruly curls. And if you are one of the very lucky ladies to have been endowed with the "blessing" of naturally curly hair, then your best solution to tame the mane would be to follow the instructions above: wash your hair and hope for the best!
5. I Can Straighten My Hair Like a Pro...But Why Bother?
When it comes to breaking out the heat protectant and the flat irons, the curly cue women community are like trained assassins when taking the kink out of our hair. However, unlike those with semi-straight or wavy hair who take 20-30 minutes top to finish the job, a woman with curly hair can take 1-2 and a half hours--depending on the severity of the curls. And by the time you're half way done with this excruciatingly long process, you just want to quit and try to start a globe wide trend of rocking the half curly half straight eletrocuted look...or you'll manage to finish the job and the weather will just ruin all of your hard work and you'll sweat it out the second you step outside.
6. I Said Cut Off Two Inches...Not Six!
Oh no! It's that time of year again when you need to go get a trim...start panicking. Finding someone who you completely trust with scissors next to your luscious locks is a daunting task, because not everybody understands the science that is tethered to curly hair. Not every hair style goes well with curly hair, and when curly hair dries it looks much shorter than it actually is, which is created by the illusion of shrinkage. So when getting a trim, make sure your stylist doesn't get too heavy handed with the scissors because believe me...absolutely NO ONE can rock the poodle look.
7. No Matter the Weather, it is No Friend to the Curly Haired Woman
Sometimes it seems as if Mother Nature herself has some sort of vendetta against curly hair. Like no matter what the weather seems to be, it never wants to cooperate with your hair. When it...
Rains: Washes all of the strategically placed product out of your hair.
Windy: Two words...Frizz. Central.
Humid: The frizziness and expansion of your hair gets to a frightening record breaking volume.
Cold: The products instantly freeze your hair, producing a rock hard unattractive new look.
8. Mmmm the Curly Haired Woman Bed Head...Sexy
9. I. Said. Don't. Touch. My. Hair!
Ask anybody with curly hair and they'll all tell you the same thing, "Don't. Touch. My. Hair."--it's like a mantra for the Confessions of the Curly Haired Society. It's not that we are trying to be rude by denying you the opportunity to play with our pretty fantastic head of hair, it's just people who've never had curls don't understand the frizz and expansion that comes with the slightest touch...even our own. And after all of the hard work and effort into getting every single curl just right for the day, we refuse to let anyone's grimy hands ruin it!
10. Easy Access Hair Ties...Always a Necessity
The weapon of choice when trying to tame the beast that is curly hair are hair ties...and lots of em'! Like explained earlier, curly hair can change its form in the blink of an eye, and everyone with curly hair can attest to the fact that you do not want to be caught in public without a hair tie...unless you want to run into the cute boy/girl you've been crushing on while looking like a mix between Simba and Hagrid!
So to all of you curly cue cuties out there, remember to keep flaunting what you got and continue to pray for your hair to finally learn some obedience!
