Content warning: Article contains discussion of suicidal thoughts.
To my future child,
Recently in therapy, I was asked, "What's keeping you here?" To be asked a question among those lines, one can imagine I was in a rough place and mental space.
Through tears, I replied, "to become a mom someday." At that moment, I thought of YOU. At that moment, I dreamt of you.
My darling child, I want you to know that you are my reason. I want you to know that I love you. I want you to know that I choose you. Before you were born, before you were mine, you were my reason. My reason for continuing. My reason for fighting through the pain. My reason for facing tomorrow. My reason for "staying here."
I want to live, for you. To meet you. To love you. To watch you grow. To teach you things. To show you Jesus. To hold you close. To be your mama.
The idea of someday giving you life, that is what's saving my life.
You are my light and joy and hope. You are my reason.
All my love,
If you are struggling, I urge you to think and find a reason to stay. Just one reason is all you need. When you find it, cling to it tightly. When hard times come, remember your reason. I promise this makes a difference. Know that you are not alone. You are loved. Please stay.
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255