Every parent will tell you that children throw tantrums. They kick, scream, cry, potentially bite and generally throw their weight around. The tantrums can happen over something as small as you ate the last french fry on your plate but they wanted it or as big as a broken toy. It can leave parents feeling frustrated when the tantrums never seem to end. Often times, as parents, we turn to friends or other family members to help alleviate the stress. However, decompressing can be almost as stressful as the actual tantrums. Everyone tries to offer their advice and it normally goes one of three ways.
It starts with, "So, (fill in name here), has been throwing a lot of tantrums lately. It's really taking a lot out of me."
The first way this advice presents itself is from friends, who generally don't have kids, that think they're helping when they aren't. Well-meaning friends spew out ideas that a quick google search would generate. "Have you tried giving him something else to take his mind off of it?" This is generally, in my case, met with a wide eyed and blank stare.
The second way this advice is presented is from friends, who do have kids, who feel like their way is the best way. While well meaning, this can often seem degrading or condescending. "Have you tried putting him/her in a special time out area? That always works with our little one." This can lead to more frustration than we started out with.
The last way is from parental/older family figures. They feel the need to share all of their infinite knowledge that they've stored from all of their children. They'll give a lot of advice that may seem outdated but sometimes works so you'll hear them out. It all seems to come back to the same places as your friends or they say, "Have you tried just letting him/her cry it out?"
So to all of you, I'd like to say one thing, thank you. I know a lot of the time we parents seem to get frustrated and we don't really take the time out to think about what you're trying to do. You have the best intentions and you're just trying to help. A lot of time that gets thrown back in your face. Know that we're frustrated, tired and often times plain old cranky. Raising kids can be exhausting and with how busy life gets, we can take things the wrong way.
We appreciate your advice and likely at some point, your advice has actually been tried. Just know that sometimes we don't want you to solve our problems. We just want you to listen and to be our friends. We don't always need advice, sometimes we just need you to lend an ear or a shoulder if it's been a particularly bad day. Either way, we appreciate you while we try to figure out parenthood.
