So here I am, in Canada, about to swan dive off of a 200-foot crane into the air. With a bungee cord attached to my ankles, I feel my rapid pulse as I'm about to take a plunge that could immediately end my life, and yet, I've never felt more alive. In this moment, my thoughts are serene, and I can feel nothing but the adrenaline pumping through my veins. This is how one should feel all of the time.
Some say I'm crazy, others say I'm lost. My decisions have been questioned over and over again. I've been told I'm a mess and that I'm lost in the whirlwind of life. Why would I transfer schools? Why would I switch my major three times? Why would I quit a college sport? Why would I drop out of the No. 2 athletic training program in the country? Why would I consider going back to the school I initially transferred from? I live in a world where I'm constantly questioned and often condescended. I am told my decisions are rash, and that I need to figure out my life, but what all of these people who question me don't understand is that I don't want to have my whole life figured out because it takes the fun out of living.
Life is supposed to be a surprise. It should be spontaneous and thrilling. It's about taking risks and living on the edge. You should always feel like you’re standing with your toes hanging over the edge of the crane as you’re harnessed in and ready to jump.
Life's about doing what excites you and makes you eager to live. If you aren't in love with your school, transfer. If you hate your major, change it. If you aren't happy right now, do something about it. You can't put off happiness for the future because the future is so uncertain. If something doesn't feel right, it isn't. Trust your instincts. You are in charge of your own life, so prove it. Life is nothing but a game that wasn't meant to be played safely.
To all those who have questioned my decision-making, here is my answer: I did what I had to do for my current happiness. I want to be happy right now. I refuse to live miserably in the present while working toward a future that is not guaranteed. I strive to live in each moment as if I'll never get another. I want my decisions to make me feel like I’m taking that 200-foot leap of faith off of the crane, without any guarantee of what's to come.
After all, my heart beats, so I might as well make it race.
