To the young single mom
There are many reasons why you could be a single mom. Maybe you and your partner grew apart, and decided separation was for the best. Maybe you left an emotionally/ and or physically abusive relationship. Or maybe the your child's "father" would rather party, or spend time with other people rather than his child. Maybe, just maybe you're in the situation I'm in; Your child's "father" wants nothing to do with them. You are solo on this parenting journey. Whatever the reason may be on why you're a single mother, we all share the same struggles, heartbreaks, and motivators.
Being a single mom, specifically at a young age, has taught me so much about myself. I thought I had to stay with my son's father because I didn't think I could do it on my own. Financially I thought I was strapped and I would be giving my baby the best life if I stuck around with his father. I thought that it was my duty to keep the 'family unit' in place for my sons sake. Even though the relationship was toxic, and abusive. I didn't know how to reach out to anyone and vocalize my silent cries for help.
One day I decided that enough was enough. I wanted my son to grow up in a positive and enriching environment, and the situation I was in at the time was just the opposite. I left because I didn't want my son growing up thinking I was ok to hit women in the face. I left because I didn't want my son thinking that 'love' is throwing things, and screaming at one another. I left because I wanted my son to turn out NOTHING like his father. And if I continued to let the abuse happen and the toxic environment continue I would be teaching my son that everything that was going on would was okay. Nothing about the situation we were in was close to okay.
I was sick of pretending. I was sick of making those 'happy family' Facebook posts, knowing damn well I wasn't happy. I was sick of sticking up for someone who didn't deserve it any longer. I was sick of being taken advantage of. I wanted a change. That's exactly what I did, and I never looked back. But it hasn't been easy. Far from it.
There are days I can't even stand to get out of bed because the pain of the past stings so hard. There are nights that I can't help but cry all night, and wonder to myself, "How did my life get so fucked up?" I used to hate those days when they came and went. But as time is moving forward I realize that those days are actually helping me. They are helping me heal. Helping me move forth. Helping me come to terms with what has happened. Time is the healer of all. The way I look at it is, each day of pain gets me closer to the days where I've accepted all that has happened, and where I feel complete peace.
I know your heart aches when you see families walking on the street all holding hands. I know the emptiness you feel when you witness a father a child bonding. I know because I've felt it, I've been through those exact scenarios. I know that feeling when your child is up all night, sick, and you're the only one getting up with them, because they don't have another parent that is active in their life. I know you feel alone. But I also know how just one smile from your baby can turn your entire mood. How when you feel like your failing, your baby crawls into your lap and snuggles up to you. The love you have for your child overpowers all the heartaches, all the struggles, all the pain that the past brings.
Maybe you wish things were different. Maybe you're really struggling right now, weather that be emotionally, or financially. But in your baby's eyes you are doing a phenomenal job. Your baby couldn't ask for a better mama!
So, single mama, I know it's hard, and exhausting, but YOU ARE DOING AMAZING. You got this!
