People all over the country, at some point, feel lost in college. This could mean so many different things. I'm personally feeling so lost and confused and honestly, it's a feeling that's making me feel more scared than I ever have in my entire life. I have this sense of doubt in me right now and I'm actually super scared for everything that's going to happen in the next few weeks, months, and years. I know I'm not the only one who feels like this, but it feels like I'm totally alone.
Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, you feel lost and alone? Have you ever thought that you weren't supposed be where you are and that you don't belong? Well if you have, then you're not alone. This honestly isn't the first time that I've contemplated whether or not I'm actually cut out for college. I've even told myself that I don't think I belong in the Equine program or be an equine major. I've been feeling so low about myself and I wonder if this is actually for me. When I bring it up with people, they tell me that I do belong here and that I should continue to be an equine major. Sometimes, it's just so hard to keep it all together. The best part is that I know that I'm not the only one who feels like this.
Sometimes, I wonder how my life could go down a different path if I would've gone to a different school. Every time I go to The Ohio State University to visit my boyfriend, I second-guess my choice of school. I wonder if I should've chosen OSU over Lake Erie College. My boyfriend always tells me that he believes that I'm right where I'm supposed to be, even though I'm so far away from him. Even though it's hard to be so far away from him, I know that I can count on him to support me and be there for me when I'm at my lowest point.
I struggle to find my place in the Equine program at Lake Erie College because I'm a western rider at an English school. I feel like people look down on me because of the fact that I'm a western rider. I feel like I struggle to keep up with everyone because it's not what I'm used to. I feel so out of place. Sometimes, I wonder if I even belong as an equestrian. I talk down on myself, telling myself that I don't belong as an equestrian. Sometimes, I feel like I don't deserve to be an equestrian or an Equine double major.
There are times when I feel like I don't belong as a musician either. I feel like I can't play my instruments to the standards of others. I feel like everyone judges me for being a terrible musician. I've been told too many times, by too many people, that I can't sing and that I should just stop singing all together because it's too "irritating" to listen to. I wish someone would just tell me what I'm good at and what I'm not good at.
I'm the type of person who can feel pretty shitty about themselves in some situations. Over the past few weeks, I've felt like complete shit, like I don't belong anywhere anymore. It's hard to feel like this and stay positive with my schoolwork, my music, and my equestrian work. I know that, once I go home for winter break, I'll start to calm down and feel normal again. I'll just have to keep pushing on and keep staying positive.
