Hey there. It's me. The person desperately trying to shuffle around you as you fumble your way through life one snail-paced step at a time.

Not everyone is a fast walker, I get that. Fitness isn't easy, and the stairs never fail to take the spring out of someone's step. But you have your pace, and when your pace is slow enough to make glaciers impatient, it's best not to put it to practice in the center of a busy path.

Here is a helpful fact: Other people exist.

If you are on a public path surrounded by a significant amount of traffic moving faster than you or crowding behind your slow-paced self as they attempt to go about their lives, then move. It's not that complicated, and it's all you need to do. I'm not even saying you need to move faster (although that would be nice), but at least attempt to have some common courtesy and please move out of the way.

This phenomenon of slow walkers seems to have spread like the plague, with people of all shapes, sizes and numbers somehow managing to take up all the space on the sidewalk. Or at the airport. Or at an amusement park, concert or restaurant. Or at any place where other people exist. It doesn't matter if it's 11 people or just one. They're everywhere, and they're taking the foot-traffic of the entire metro area down with them. Not to mention the groups of two or three puttering down the sidewalk. This is a public space, not your personal game of Red Rover!

Especially slow walkers in the school hallway. You are, without a doubt, the bane of high school existence. When I'm carrying a ten pound bag filled to the brim with textbooks and busy-work on my back and have 30 seconds left to make it to a class on the other side of school, the last thing I need is to be stopped in the hallway by groups of people loudly conversing with their friends as they walk in the middle of the hallway or moving at a speed slow enough to put a three-toed sloth to shame. Sure, checking Twitter is interesting (I like seeing what Brandon Wardell is up to as much as the next person), but is it really worth making everyone around you late to class? Let's see "knees to chest" people!

It's not necessarily a matter of me being in a hurry. I don't feel an enduring need to run everywhere and be constantly aggressive with my need for speed. But I'm also not interested in wasting all my time getting somewhere I could already be. You're lazy, you're tired, you're not in a hurry. I understand. But at least have the common courtesy to move out of the way so that the rest of us can still lead productive days. We are sharing a common space, and we would all be better served if we put in a little bit of effort to ensure that we are sharing the space equally. Slow walking is, in fact, deeply selfish. Part of the social contract is doing your reasonable best to promote a healthy environment and making a conscientious effort to not frustrate others as they go about their days. If you want to walk slowly, move to the side and smother your inner Gandalf who is seemingly screaming "you shall not pass!"

Have a little courtesy and pick up the pace, people.

Sincerely,

Everyone