Whenever I think about my past and current relationships with people in my life, whether is — past boyfriends, friends, family, and even with some co-workers, I can now see how being “too nice” was my way of showing love and appreciation to people that I cared about. Doing so always backfired on me for some reason.
Being too nice to people has become a drug, an addiction and like any addictions the first thing is to admit that you have a problem. It has finally hit me, that my addiction has only been a disservice to myself at the end of the day. It is now that I am realizing that being too nice was my way of somehow being in control.
I used to rarely speak up when friends and other people hurt or offended me. Lord Knows I am not perfect, I have my moments that people might say are diva ish. However, majority of the time, I was always concerned about other people and helping out. And then that shit got real old fast, real fast.
It takes a strong person to admit a part of themselves that they do not like. People sometimes mistake a nice person as a push over. Trough it all, I still held on to my true self and identity. Even though on the outside I was always saying yes, I never lost touch with who I really was on the inside. Me seing yes was never to be liked or because I was too afraid to say no, but I became so accustomed to it.
When ever you are too nice, people think that it's okay to walk all over you. Once you start telling people it's okay all the time, they would think that you are responsible to help them on every aspect of their life. Being a nice person is a wonderful quality, just make sure you are nice to the right people. It is important to find out who is worth it and who is not. Do for the people that are there for you, and not only want to hang out with you only when it is beneficial to them.
When you are a good person and you finally says no, people will still coax you and guilt you into helping them. It is very important to stand your ground because you can forget about yourself and your own responsibilities in the process. If you are like myself and find it hard to say no, you might put things like class, work and other responsibilities in jeopardy.
Therefore, your attempts at being nice sometimes will go unnoticed, and when you finally say no, people will roll their eyes, get upset, look at you suspiciously and talk behind your back. Although not everyone can give you the same response, some might be understanding, those are the ones you need to focus on.
People are humans and they would continuously take advantage until they can get away with it, it is up to you to set those boundaries. The sad part is, they might not even be there for you when you need them in return.So please think very carefully before being too nice. The same people that you are nice too might try to take you down.
I started to distance myself from people and found a group of people who's friendship is not draining me emotionally. I am starting to speak up even if it's uncomfortable and when someone do something that upset me. Friendships go both ways, and if you are the only one doing all the work maybe it's best to part ways.. In the future I will seek out friendships and relationships where both parties are mutually invested and both share the same level of generosity.
Learn from my mistakes, don't forget to be nice to yourself, being nice to others is a great thing, but don't be overly nice because you might lose yourself in the process. People that see that you are overly nice are not your friend, they are only there to exploit you, being overly nice doesn't get you any respect, in returns it can actually constantly being disrespected over and over .Don't lose your goodness, it makes you who you are. And always remember people are not going to remember the many times you was there for them, but only the time you weren't there anyway.
P.S .Keep being yourself.