Time is constantly moving like a never ending merry-go-round. Every turn has a new scene and every brush of wind gives you new feelings, but you are still on the same merry-go-round. There is always something happening, something consuming your mind and something that always makes you question yourself as a person.
You are the type of person that always puts everyone’s needs before your own, but if you are being honest with yourself it is because you just don’t want to deal with your own problems. You sometimes feel like you deserve a gold medal for the mask you were able to paint onto your face not just every day, but sometimes for weeks. You want people to know that you are OK when really inside you are screaming for someone to save you from drowning. However, you will never let that happen because let's be honest, you have too much pride to ever let anyone bear your burdens.
People are always coming to you for advice or help when really you are just preaching what your favorite show taught you because you have no idea what to even say to that person. There is always going to be something going on in your life that you feel like you can never catch a break or just sit down and take a breath. That is the funny thing, though. There is always going to be something. Life has a way of sneaking up moments that you did not want to dive into, but somehow, something pushed you right into the deep end.
It sucks because holding everything in is truly the only way you know how to deal with things without making yourself have a psychotic break. You tell yourself you are dealing with your issues and burdens when in reality you are not facing your problems at all. By now, I’m sure it has taken a toll on you. It can honestly be emotionally draining. When you thought you let something go years ago but really it never went away.
I’ve learned over the years, that the more I hold everything in, the more I am suffering and the more pain I am causing myself. I have held so many things in that now it seems impossible for everything to escape. These problems emerge at the worst times and I hope you are realizing by now that suppressing all of the issues and emotions attached to them is causing you more harm than good. The longer you wait to deal with your issues the more you feel like you have no control over your own life. Your breakdowns will still happen, emotions will continue to rush like a big wave, and at the end of the day, you will be exactly where you started.
We tell people that we are happy, but do we tell ourselves that? I hope that you have reached a point in your life that you will just let everything fall. Let everything come into light and deal with it. Remind yourself that you are capable of handling everything. You do have the strength and the ability to deal with everything one step at a time.
Don’t let the person inside of you disappear because of a moment that happened years ago or just yesterday. You have been holding everything in for far too long and I challenge you to just acknowledge everything you have been suppressing. If anything, remember that you are the only person who has control over your own emotions. It is time to give yourself that power back and remind yourself you can handle anything.
