I never expected this from you. You were supposed to be my best friend and protector, but I guess it is pretty hard to protect me when you are the one lying and hiding things from me, huh? I keep thinking that I'm not angry anymore, that I'm just sad and then I look into your eyes and rage consumes me. How could you do this to me? I just can't comprehend it. You couldn't have hurt me more if you tried.

I have never been so disappointed in someone in my life, maybe that's just because of what you did, or maybe that's because even with all your fuck ups in the past I had very high standards for you. Not only did I have such high standards, but I also thought so highly of you. I defended you always, spoke highly of you always and above all always had your back. But while I was having your back you were stabbing mine. You know, when I first found out, I was in such shock. I didn't want to believe you could've done that to me. I tried to pretend for hours that i didn't know what I knew because in all honesty I couldn't handle the situation. I couldn't handle you hurting me again. But the reality of the situation is that you did.

I cried so much that night, that the next morning I woke up with swollen eyes and a heavy heart. Nothing anyone said made me feel any better. The first time I saw you after I found everything out it took everything in me to try and hid me emotions and deep disgust for you in that moment. That whole night I could barely look at you as you spoke to me because I was in such disgust that someone so close to me could do me so wrong. I hated you that night, I really did. I was so angry, so sad. I didn't deserve what you did to me and if anybody knows that better than me, it's you.

But here's what I want you to know....

I hope you know how bad you hurt me. I hope seeing me that hurt, in a way, hurt you. But I don't hate you. You did me wrong and you messed up, but I don't hate you. I don't know when or how I will be able to forgive you, but I will one day, because you are family to me.