You've said you'll be ok… but you won't be.You won't be ok because you're not admitting what the true problem is. You know who you are because you have an unexplainable pit in your stomach as you read all of this. You know you're loved, but you can't see the love others have because of your sickness.
The last time you were confronted, you decided the problem was everyone gaining up on you. You couldn't hear the rationality, you could only hear the ridicule. They tried only speaking with concern, and deep down you know that, but you can't admit that's what it was. The last time they tried speaking was not the first, and I'm sure it won't be the last, but this circle is destroying them.
It runs in the family. From grandparents to actual parents. There is no shame in admitting you have what they have. Please don't think that way, because what if someone else inherits your sickness? What if they refuse to get help for the same thing?
You hurt your family by not getting help. Everyone will slowly become resentful to the point that they can barely speak to you. When they see you they are walking on eggshells because they don't want to set you off. They only speak to you when they desperately need to or in hopes of getting through to you. It's not supposed to be like that. The example being set in the household is not a proper one, and it's severely damaging the ability for anyone to form new relationships.
You always say that families on T.v aren't real, but why is the family you have so different from all of your friends. Why can some inappropriate topics be brought to your attention, while others must stay in the shadows? This behavior is not normal, and it's causing damage to those around you.
Isn't it tiring to feel like you're in a soap opera? The endless drama that causes stress, that frankly you and anyone around you can't handle. You're family...they look drained, tired, and detached. The stress can be seen on everyone's face, including yours.
Please get help. It will be hard, but it will help build a more stable environment. This time do not do it because you're falling apart. Don't do it because you think you have no support. Do it because you live in a home where everyone loves you, but no one can handle your behavior anymore. Do it because they never want to stop loving you, even though you make it so hard.
Your family truly does love you, even I can see that. So don't be afraid to reach out because once you do they'll all be there for you.
