I can't even begin to describe how much I hate cancer for taking you from me. I always imagined the day that you'd walk me down the aisle and the day that you'd meet your first great grandchild. You were my best friend and the man I looked up to. I could always count on you to be there for me when I needed it. You were the person that I considered my father because you never let me down.
My life changed in 2008 when you had a heart attack, then later found out that you had lung cancer. It felt like my world came crashing down. I didn't know if I was going to lose you from the cancer or another heart attack. You had surgery and had the cancer removed. The chemo was rough on you and made you super sick. I was so glad once the chemo was over and you were cancer free. It meant I didn't have to say goodbye to you anytime soon.
In 2012, it all came literally crashing down on and around me. Not only did you get diagnosed with cancer for a second time, while I was in the hospital with you, I got the news that my other grandpa had cancer and only had three to six months to live. At this point I didn't know how to feel. I felt numb. My sophomore year of high school was pretty rough. Constantly worrying about when I would get a phone call that someone had died. My junior year was even worse. August 2013, before I started eleventh grade, my other grandpa died from lung cancer: the exact thing that could've taken you five years earlier. I didn't know why this was happening to me and I didn't want to do any of it anymore. We spent a lot of time together, going to a baseball game and seeing Alan Jackson at the York Fair. There are so many memories that cancer can't and won't take from me.
The end of my junior year was approaching. I had just ordered my prom dress in April and I started spending more and more time with you because you weren't doing so well. I remember the day it arrived at your place. I was so excited. I tried it on just so you could see me in it at least once. I stayed with you the last two weeks that you were alive. You weren't yourself and that was because of the cancer. It had spread to your bones and we even think it spread to your brain. You were hallucinating things and didn't make sense. I was with you the day you died and it killed me inside. I was filled with anger and wanted it to be someone else instead of you. I cried beside your bed and begged you to come back and not leave me. You died ten days before my junior prom.
It's been two and a half years since I've said goodbye to you. My heart still hurts and I still have dreams of the day that you died. I can't do things that I used to do without thinking of you. I am still an emotional wreck and wish you were here. I am still angry, I don't think that will ever change. I still wish it would've been someone else and that you wouldn't have been taken from me. Nothing is the same anymore. I hate the holidays and wish I could skip them every year. I just wish you were still here with me to support me and tell me to keep pushing forward. I miss our drives to the store and the laughs we shared over dinner. I know you aren't suffering anymore and I guess because of that I know it's okay that you aren't here.
