I know what you are thinking another cliche article about how you need to learn to love yourself blah blah blah. Self worth is so important and I didn’t realize it until I hit rock bottom. I always heard people say “learn to love yourself” after I had my heart crushed into a million pieces in a breakup. When my depression crept in the only advice I would hear is “Lean onto God”. I’ve struggled with depression since high school. I hated my body, my face, everything. I always thought “why am I so skinny” “why is my nose so big, and my boobs so small”. I remember my depression was so bad my senior year. I just got out of a relationship with someone I was in love with. He took every bit of confidence I had (which wasn’t much) and stomped on it. I was in love with someone who cheated on me multiple times. I gave my everything to someone who didn’t deserve it, but at the time I thought I did deserve it. I am so worthless my own boyfriend can’t even stay loyal to just me. My depression was at an all new low. I remember sitting in class one day faking a smile until I seen a tweet making fun of me. The whole grade knew it was about me. Talking about how small my boobs were, and that was a huge insecurity. I never understood why I was being talked about considering I never spoke to the girls making fun of me. I remember going to the bathroom gasping for air because I couldn’t breathe. I remember looking in the mirror and thinking I would rather die than to be myself. I would rather die than to be trapped in this hideous body. I was so determined to end my life. I already had it planned but God kept speaking to me the day I was going to do it saying “go to church” and honestly God and church was the last thing on my mind, but I went. That night my biology teacher gave her testimony. It was like she was talking to me. Self worth, forgiving yourself, and learning to love yourself. I knew right then that my story wasn’t over. That there was more to my life. So I thanked her and told her that she saved me. I wish I could say life just became great from that moment on but it didn’t. Slowly I did learn self worth, over time I gained confidence. I quit caring as much of what people thought and did what I thought. I finally built up my confidence and thought I was enough. Something was still missing. I tried relationships to fill this empty hole in my heart, and nothing. I tried drinking, and partying. I still felt that emptiness inside me. What could it possibly be? I will always remember this night because it was the night my life was changed. I broke up with my boyfriend who I cared for and still care for deeply. I went out thinking that booze and making out with strangers would solve my problems. Well I was wrong, it turned into one of the worst nights of my life. I was so drunk and so hurt that I didn’t care what happened to me that night. I lost my friends, I went home with a guy who obviously didn’t care about me that much considering he left me throwing up crying at his apartment. That night I ask asked myself “do you really want to be this person, the girl who has no self worth”? Are you going to throw all of your hopes and dreams away because you are sad? That night I said no. I’m not throwing away my selfworth because I deserve more than a drunken kiss and a major hangover in the morning. I prayed to God that morning. “Dear Lord, I have lost myself please give me a sign of what I’m supposed to be doing”. The first thing I thought in my head was “love”. Love who? I love my friends and my family. I thought it over for days. How is loving my family, and my friends not enough? Then it hit me. I don't even love myself anymore. Why do you need to love yourself? Because you spend every second of every day with yourself. If you don't love yourself you can't truly love others. I struggled for so long thinking that I loved myself when I really didn't. I didn't love that I chose the wrong path in life. I didn't love that it's taken me way longer to graduate than others my age. I didn't love that I always chose the wrong relationships. I didn’t love that I’m so indecisive about everything. I didn't love myself. Finally I sat down and did some soul searching. That's when I decided to listen to God and change my ways. No more drunken nights, no more feeling sorry for myself, no more "guess this is my life, doesn't look like it's going to get better". I picked myself up, looked in my mirror and said "you are amazing, and you will do great things." From them on I knew I had to be positive. I had to love others, and care for them. So I took my sadness and turned it into something beautiful. I started being positive. Trying to help and reach out to others, and I actually did reach out and help some. I wouldn’t of been able to do that if I hated myself. The moral of this story is DON'T feel sorry for yourself. I mean you can, but it doesn't do much good. Instead be positive, write down the positive things that you have going in your life. If you are working towards a goal than be proud of yourself. Have faith that you will get through whatever is causing you to hate yourself. Love others, but most of all respect and love yourself. It took me hating myself to end up loving myself. And now that I know my worth I won't let anyone knock me down. I will be positive and motivate people to live their best lives. Regardless of your past. We aren't promised tomorrow so try your best to make this second count. Let go of all of your worries and self doubts. Love yourself and respect yourself. YOU are worth waiting on the right person, or job. YOU are worth living. YOU are worth waiting on the storm to pass. Live for yourself, life is short. Do what you want to do just don't forget to love yourself, and remember you have a purpose.