To the women who have been single for a while in their twenties; You are not alone. There is nothing wrong with you. I know that it is hard to be single in your twenties and or to never been in a relationship. Every time you hang out with your friends at some point they are talking about who they are dating and what their couple Halloween costume is going to be. If you are anything like me, you probably sit and nod and laugh and give advice that you feel no one takes seriously because you are still single and have no experience. I know how it feels for people to assume that because you haven’t been in a relationship that you are innocent and have no knowledge about sex and couldn’t possibly be on birth control. I also know that many other women and I are on birth control for acne or other health issues not related to sex.

I know what it is like to see relationships in every show and movie that you watch and wonder what is wrong with you. I know what it is to feel broken in some way, to want a relationship so much your heart aches. I know what it is like to cry on the phone to my mum asking her why it hadn’t happened and why I had made it through almost all of college without even being kissed. I wasn’t a late bloomer just shy and an empath, so I was very selective about who I gave my energy to especially in a vulnerable way such as a relationship. I saved my energy and put it into myself.

I focused on writing and my job. I traveled alone and became comfortable with my own company. I learned to date myself. To go to restaurants and bars that I wanted to try on my own. Not to say I didn’t have friends to do stuff with but I learned to do what I wanted to do even when they were busy. I fell in love with myself. It was hard, and it is still hard. It is a choice that I make every day when I wake up to love myself more than I love anyone else. To find myself beautiful. To believe in my writing and what I do and who I am beyond what I look like. It was when I was doing that, and I was no longer yearning for a relationship that I found myself slowly building the foundations for the relationship I am in. I knew that I didn’t need a relationship to feel whole and worthy and that opened the door for me being in one.

It is hard to learn to love yourself when you are haven’t dated in your twenties. Everywhere you look messages telling you that you should be in one and that somehow you lack if you aren’t. It is as if being in a relationship is having the latest iPhone, who are you if you dare have a flip phone instead? But, that is what being single for a long time in your twenties feels like. You are the kid with the flip phone, and not by choice. Learning to chose and love the flip phone is what will get you that sweet iPhone X. I know it’s hard I know saying that you need to love yourself first is easier said than done. If you make a choice and do the work, I promise that it will make you happier than any significant other ever could.