An addiction is something you most times can’t control. It’s a constant want for something, sometimes I wish that something was just me. It is something that can take control of your whole world.
There are always some good days though where it seems as if you’re better. Though it’s not easy to forgive, it is sometimes easy to forget. The problem with that is the hope that comes with it, and with that hopes comes the harsh disappointment.
It seems as though the addiction always strikes when there is something important about to happen. While those important times approach, it’s like I’m waiting for it to strike. Waiting for you to be taken from me yet again. It takes over and makes you become unable to be there. It makes you be the one who never comes. The one who isn’t there. It makes it hard for us to want you to be there because you weren’t before. But I know it isn’t your fault, it’s the addiction.
Most days it is hard to understand why it is easy to choose addiction over me. I don’t get how you could choose anything over your own child. Most days I want to shake you and say just choose me. It’s like I want you to realize what you could have, and what could be without the addiction. People always will say you love me, you just have a problem. I just feel sometimes that if you loved me enough, you would give it up,
To talk to you most times is like talking to a wall because I know you aren’t listening. I know you’re in there somewhere behind the addiction, you just can’t shake it. It’s like pouring your heart to someone and they just look at you like you’re nothing.
I know it’s hard, I get it. I just wish you would realize how much better you could have it.
