College is so full of changes. We temporarily change our address, decorate a new space, start fresh with a clean slate, and the biggest change of all, our friend groups change completely.

Before going away, we had all these plans to constantly visit each other, being excited to meet each other’s new friends we would make at school. We fantasized how it all would be like it was a done deal way of how it would all work out, as though we could combine two worlds into one. We saw how people older than us did it, how they went to different schools but always visited each other, meeting up and going out whenever they were home on breaks. That did not happen to us.

I applaud those high school friends that saw each other over every break and constantly kept up with their group chat. I lost a lot of friends from high school, no matter how much I wish that was not the case. We did not have any falling outs and we did not grow to hate each other; we just simply grew apart. Our lives took us in different directions. I tried so hard to stay in touch, but life got in the way and one by one, I slowly lost communication with them. But you were the one that stayed.

It was so scary at times to not have my best friend go through this change with me. It was an exciting time, but it also made me sad to share such a huge experience and milestone without you. Sometimes I would hear one of “our” songs and I would be ambushed with a flood of flashbacks from every time I ever heard that song with you. These were the songs that reminded me of your laughter because of the funny dance you did or the way you sang the song. These were our favorite songs to listen to on our long, adventurous car rides, no matter how badly you messed up on the obvious lyrics.

A part of me felt empty when one of our songs would come on and you were not there to sing along with me. Sometimes I would find myself unnecessarily laughing too hard at something, with people around me wondering what was so funny. I would be the only one to know how much you would be laughing with me if you were right there. I caught myself saying our inside jokes even when you were not around because it became routine for me.

Our friendship changed in a lot of ways. I no longer drove to school with you, listening to our favorite talk show in the morning. Long, late night conversations in my living room turned into long texts throughout the day. Soon, our best way of communication was Snapchat because we still got to see the funny faces we would always make to each other. We started counting on those random messages here and there, pouring out information about the juicy rumors happening back home or to catch each other up on our current lives before life dragged us away again. No matter how hard it got, no matter how many times we did not get to see each other over breaks, we still never left each other.

We might not have been there for the minor events, like how that guy from that party said ‘hi’ to you in class or how your history teacher is super annoying. What mattered is that we were there for the major events, like your sporting accomplishments, how well school was going, a family crisis, or who the new lucky guy was.

At one point, I was so angry and upset. I thought about our times in high school, how you were that one person who was always there, rooting me on in sporting events, even when we were competing against each other. I was scared because I thought I was going to lose you but after a while, I knew that this is what happens. No distance will ever erase all the memories I have with you, all of the inside jokes that probably make us look like crazy people. Just because we did not see each other over every break or talk to each other day does not mean that our friendship was compromised.

Please remember that I never forgot about you while I was away. I did not move on to finding “better” friends, I just added a few more to my list. I did not erase all of the memories I had with you because there are still more to be created. Now that we have graduated and moved back home, I am excited to have my best friend back by my side. We will not be making up for lost time, but we will continue our friendship, just like we always have, because the only thing that ever changed was the distance between our laughs.

To my best friend who stayed with me on this journey, thank you for never leaving me, no matter how hard it got.