It’s funny to me how people think that they have to put up with bullshit in relationships. Not like “ha-ha” funny, but the type of funny that just seems weird and out of place. Would you let people at work treat you like shit? No? What about friends? No? Then why do we constantly allow ourselves to be trapped in relationships we are unhappy with for months on end? Something I’ve always been confused about, but hypocritically enough have let myself be subject to.
Life is far too short to be anything but happy. The minute you feel like your happiness is being sacrificed, get the hell out. I’m not saying that relationships don’t come with sacrifices, because they do. I’m also not saying that you will always live in a world of rainbows and butterflies during a relationship. What I’m saying, is that if you have to question why you are with someone, and they aren’t the one you want to come home to at the end of a long and stressful day, then why are you wasting your time?
My past relationships have proven to me that you can’t fake something that isn’t there. So badly I have wanted to fall in love and have a fairy tale story like the ones you see in movies or read about in books. I have put myself through months of pointless stress in relationships where I was seeking out things I wanted, but wasn’t going to find with the men I was with. I was submerging myself 110% into someone who wasn’t nearly giving back 50%. The key to a healthy relationship is having the same wants and needs as your significant other.
I’m not a needy person but I have needs. I don’t need someone to constantly be by my side and up my ass at every moment of the day. I do, however, need to be assured of commitment and effort. Or the general overall feeling that I am wanted and cared for. It’s really not rocket science. If you’re in a relationship with someone you shouldn’t have to question whether or not they like you. Am I right? I spent months in a relationship with someone who couldn’t or wasn’t willing to give me the things that I needed, because they weren’t the same things that he needed.
I spent a solid 3 months trying to be the girlfriend that he needed. I thought I could make things work and I was pathetically giving all of my effort for nothing in return. I thought that not hearing from my “boyfriend” all day was normal, and when I did hear from him it was small talk that I could have had with the stranger standing in front of me in line at the grocery store. I started turning to other people to talk to about my emotional issues, when I should have been able to talk to my boyfriend about them.
That was when things started to turn around. The advice that my family and friends had been giving me over and over finally started to seep into the stubborn head that just didn’t want to give up. I finally started to realize that I wasn’t giving up, I was simply doing what was best for me. And with that I just ripped the bandaid off. I had been so unhappy and I decided that I wasn’t going to waste another minute of my time.
That was when I realized what was right in front of me. It didn’t happen on purpose, but it also didn’t take me long. Strong relationships are built on friendships. Without a friendship first, it is going to be hard to develop a solid foundation of trust. I realized that the guy who had been willing to lend an ear and listen to my endless drama, was the one who wanted what was best for me. Never did he try to tell me what to do; simply gave me advice and encouraging words to try and make me feel better. It was him who made me realize exactly what I wanted and what I deserved in a relationship.
I was hesitant at first to jump right into something, but sometimes you just need to take a leap a faith. That’s exactly what I did and it was the best decision I have ever made. I quickly got over the fear of people judging me for moving on so quickly from a previous relationship, because I am now the happiest I have ever been and feel more like myself than I have ever felt. It’s crazy how one person can completely change your world in such a short amount of time. I never really believed in the “when you know you know” kind of thing, but I guess that’s because you can’t really believe it until you actually feel it for yourself. It’s the type of feeling that makes you wonder how you could have ever lived your life without that person in it.
The moral of my rambling, is that you should never drag yourself through the unhappiness of a relationship with someone who isn’t willing to fight for you. It takes two people to make a relationship work and unless both people are giving 100%, then you are simply wasting your time. Find someone who loves you for you, and needs and wants the same things you do. I promise your life will change forever.
