To The One That I Love, But Can Never Be With
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To The One That I Love, But Can Never Be With

I would say goodbye, but we both know I would be lying.

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To The One That I Love, But Can Never Be With
Pixabay

I have dreamed about finding my one true love since I was a little girl. I was destined to be a hopeless romantic the moment I was born to my parents with a storybook-like marriage. But, you taught me that love is nothing like it is in the fairytales I used to read or the Disney songs I used to belt out in the car with my Mom.

When it's beautiful, it isn't white horses and sparkling crowns. It's conversations that keep you up until sunrise and kissing with messy hair and sleepy eyes.

When it's tragic, it isn't a fire-breathing-dragon threatening your castle. It's that spark you once had burning out, it's "I don't know if I love you anymore," it's silence.

I knew I loved you when you made me feel like that little girl again. That little girl that was unapologetically herself: silly, sassy and a little too weird for most people to handle. That little girl didn't think twice about saying what was on her mind or doing what she wanted to do because she had no doubt that she was awesome and capable of anything. Life happened, I grew up, I had heartbreak and I lost sight of that for a long time. Then I met you. I didn't have to think about how to act around you, filter what I said, worry about your judgment. I knew you loved me. You told me I could do anything and I could see in your eyes that you meant it. We just clicked. It was natural. It was easy.

With you, when it was beautiful, it was even more beautiful than anything I had ever read or daydreamed. We laughed about everything. I can still feel the belly aches I would get after giggling for an hour with you. We couldn't keep our hands off of each other. I can still feel your hand in my hair and your breath on my neck. We had a spark, hell, we had a fire between us that was even undeniable to those around us. Before we knew it, we were engulfed by the flames and inevitably burned.

That fire we had burned even in the bad times. Every negative feeling was crippling. Every mistake, every mean word, every cold shoulder felt like a blow to the stomach. The passion we had was a double-edged sword that ended fatally.

With you, it was beautiful, but it was tragic too. Just as quickly as we lit the match, it was snuffed out by our own personal tragedies. We met when we were each at our worst. We both had our demons and they just didn't play well together. Maybe if we met at an earlier time, before we were damaged humans, we would have been fine. Or, maybe if we met later after we learned to overcome our setbacks, we would be ready. Maybe that's just me listening to that naive little girl I used to be.

They always say that love conquers all. Maybe love conquers most, but I can tell you that it sure as hell doesn't conquer bad timing. Nothing does.

Moving on feels impossible. Everyone else tastes bland in comparison to you. How can they not, when every time we kissed, you would burn my tongue? I pray that I find someone who can make me feel as high as you did, but never as low. I need a love that I can breathe without. I need a love that I don't have to withdraw from every time I walk away. I pray that you find the same with someone else, too.

I will always think of you. I will always pray for you. I will always wish you the best. I will always have that fire for you, but I just can't burn for you anymore.




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