When we met this summer, it was like fireworks. Yes, it was beautiful, magical, fiery, passionate and intense, but, like a firework, in the blink of an eye, you miss it. Our whole story unfolded so quickly before our eyes that my mind didn’t have time to catch up with my heart. And before I knew it, I had fallen for you.

We both knew all good things must come to an end because the distance was too daunting. And you looked at me with your sparkling green eyes and said, “Maybe I’ll be the one that got away". But I hope you realize now that that’s not the case—I’m the one that got away. Because you let me.

We both agreed London to LA was not realistic and that long-distance relationships only work if there’s an end, a point where you’ll be together in the same city. But we’re both stubborn and refused to completely end something that was so incredibly perfect, so we stayed in contact. Over the past seven months we grew closer, talking every day and spending 2-3 hours on the phone just laughing about nothing. It started to feel like a relationship. Despite not having seen each other in months and not ever defining the relationship, we both knew this was more than casual contact. The more often we spoke, talked about our future together, and about your plans to come visit me, the more I started to believe that your opinions on our incredibly unique situation had changed.

I was patient and I waited for you. I didn’t push you. I wanted you to realize for yourself that we needed to give us a try, a real relationship where we’re all in. I thought when you came to visit me, it would solve everything because seeing a person, looking into his eyes, and instantly know what he’s feeling is powerful. I thought when we saw each other, we’d know in our gut what we wanted to do about us, but I was wrong. You didn’t know what you wanted and I don’t think you would have known even if you had come visit me.

Then the day of heartbreak came. You had a lot of moving parts in your life, and I waited for you to get those parts of your life in order because I understood the importance of this pivotal point in your life. You were starting a new career and moving to a new city. I was so proud of you, knowing how hard you had worked for this, and that you needed those parts of your life to be more stable before booking your trip to LA. But for the past four months we had been planning this trip, counting down the days, you repeatedly told me you were definitely coming. You still couldn’t book your flight, but you told me to just believe it’s happening because you didn’t see any reason why it wouldn’t work out. You said you needed a little more time because you had a lot of big things just beginning for you. So, I waited longer. But time started closing in. You were “too busy” to communicate with me even with the date of the trip approaching, so I started getting worried and it was all I could focus on. However, my emotions didn’t seem to matter to you.

You finally returned my calls and casually delivered the cruel news that would break my heart - “Yeah, we’ll have to postpone." The words lingered in the air, buzzed around in my head, and flooded every part of my body with uneasiness and pain, as if someone had stabbed me in the stomach and twisted the knife. You delivered those five words like you were taking a rain check on a golf match. And I sat there speechless and devastated.

That was it. You had strung me along for too long, but it was too painful to let go. I told you I was all in. I told you I thought we should stop half-assing this relationship and give us a real shot by defining it. If you weren’t committing to come see me, if you couldn’t tell me how you feel about me because you “can only say it in person” (even though I gave you emotional validation every day), I needed some definition, some reassurance that my devotion to you wasn’t for nothing. I was emotionally exhausted and tired of being in limbo. But you couldn’t do it. You couldn’t tell me how you feel about me and you couldn’t commit to a relationship, so it had to end because you hurt me for too long and it hurt too much to love you.

You tried to manipulate me into thinking this isn’t what I wanted by asking, “Is this what you want? I don’t think this is what you want. This isn’t what I wanted,” because you knew I wanted you over everything. I don’t think you’re aware that you’re a manipulative person. When I first met you, I told you I don’t play games and you said, “Good. I hate games. I don’t do that,” yet there you were playing games with my mind and with my heart. So, I told you it’s not what I want but it’s what I need to do. I wanted you. I wanted a relationship with you. But you can’t and you won’t give that to me, so I did this for me. I could no longer be in a one-sided relationship where I was the only one committed. Even then, I asked you to fight for me and you didn’t. I was done being at your convenience. By letting me go, not fighting for me, not getting on that plane, not giving us a fair shot, not responding to my love letter, and not telling me how you truly feel about me, you let me go. So yes, I am the one that got away.

We could have been great together. I believed in us and believed that we’d defy all the odds, but you failed to recognize what we had. So, in response to the text you sent me two weeks after we ended things, I put my whole heart into this relationship, so for “things to be different,” you’d have to be different. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe you came into my life for a reason, and I don’t regret a second of it. I will always remember the incredible memories we made together. But I also believe we ended for a reason. You weren’t ready. You weren’t ready to give me everything I was offering you. And although I’m still hurting, I’m thriving because you showed me what I want and it’s not you. There’s a version of you that I want, but it’s not the you you’ll ever be able to give me. So, thank you for letting me be the one that got away.