I regret very few things in my life, but you are one of them. I regret losing you and everything I had with you.

I have been without you for two years but have known you for six. When you are a teenager, that’s an extremely long time. Seems like an eternity. You see each other almost every day at school. We talked constantly, laughed a lot, cried sometimes, but most importantly we spent our teenage years together. Although we never dated, you meant the world to me. And you didn’t even know it.

I regret telling you how I felt.

Telling someone exactly how you feel can be extremely difficult sometimes. You never know the right way to say it or think you won’t get the reaction you want. I think that was my biggest fear.

But not from you -- from the rest of the world. I was afraid of their reactions. I was so caught up in the rumors and conversations I didn’t allow myself to fully open up to you and let you in. I was being a typical teenage girl.

I regret being a victim to the world.

A great way to describe our relationship is like being on a roller coaster. I can’t count the number of ups and downs in our relationship. Back and forth, back and forth. Only you would understand.

Still to this day I don’t get how I couldn’t say yes to you. I cared about you tremendously. You are, and still to this day, the only guy I have ever met who can hold and carry a conversation for hours and I never got bored. My fault was acting like a coward and ruining the self esteem of someone who loved me dearly.

I regret being immature and selfish.

I have broken your heart too many times. Chance after chance you gave me and I did not take them.

My biggest regret? Not taking you back before college.

And now I have lost you. You fell in love with another girl and fell out of love with me.

I think back sometimes and wonder. If I actually said yes to you during those times, where would we be at today? Would we get to say we’ve been together for six years? Would we have gotten into a big fight and not be friends at all?

I am not sure what you would call our relationship at this time. A friendship? A friendship with restrictions? It kills me to see you have such limitations while in another relationship. Yet, there is nothing I can do or I will lose you completely.

You are my first love and I will always love you. When I lost you, my thoughts have become filled with a bunch of what ifs. It will remain that way until I get you back.

One day, I promise you, I will get you back.