I want to start this off by saying that I’ll always be down for you. If you were to call me tonight and ask me to drive twenty minutes or 12 hours just so we could be together, I would. There’s a weak spot in my heart engraved with your name. I’ll always be down for you because I never fully got over you. I convinced myself and my friends I was done, but when 2 a.m. hits and I’m all alone, you’re the only thing my mind runs to. I hate it, but I can’t keep denying it forever.
I’m sorry I wasn’t what you expected. I don’t know what you thought you were getting into, but I wish I could’ve been that. I’ve always told myself I’d never change for a guy, but from the beginning, I was willing to change for you. I’m still willing. When you care for someone so much, it doesn’t matter what you have to do to keep them happy – you’re going to do it. That’s how I am with you.
The moments I spent with you were some of my favorite moments of my life, ever. Your smile melts me and every time I’d see it I’d get so happy. When I’d hold your hand I felt so complete, like the other half of my soul was finally connected. I can’t even begin to describe to you what your kisses felt like. I was in heaven, and I was happy – happier than I’ve ever been.
When things ended between us, it got nasty quick. I tried so hard to fix whatever I believed I had done wrong for the sake of whatever we were. I blamed myself because that’s all I’ve ever known how to do, but looking back on it, I don’t know what I did wrong. I was myself. Was being myself not enough for you?
In the short time between getting to know you and you becoming someone I knew, you brought so much joy into my heart. Maybe it’s because the entire time I was just infatuated with the idea of you, and not a real person. Or maybe it’s because, for once, I almost had the relationship I’ve been craving my entire life. Either way, feeling something so deeply after such a short time is what causes the deepest of heartbreaks.
If you decide to come back into my life, it would make me so happy. I can’t even begin to describe the feelings that would run through my body just seeing you again. Just to spend time with you again and laugh at your jokes would be enough for me. But if you get word that I’m still hung up on you and it drives you in the other direction, I understand. There are so many unanswered questions between us, and those answers likely hold the reasons why you stopped speaking to me.
I want nothing more than for you to be happy, even if it’s with someone else. Seeing pictures of the two of you will leave me on my bedroom floor sobbing at first. She’ll be the luckiest girl in the world because she’ll be able to call you hers and kiss your soft lips each and every night. I’ll be jealous of her. I’ll wonder what she has that I didn’t. Is it just that she’s prettier, or is there something more you were looking for that you found in her? After awhile of heartbreak, I’ll wake up and realize that you are smiling again. Your smile is my favorite thing, and if I can’t be the reason you’re laughing, I just want to be able to see you smiling from afar.
