Growing up a military child, it was never sure how long I would be living in one place. I was fortunate enough to only have to move three times throughout my childhood, but each time it became harder to leave the friends and life I had made for myself. The last move we made, I had just finished my sophomore year of high school and was moving from Washington state to Georgia. We had no family in Georgia. I had no friends, and I found myself to be a pretty awkward teenager. How in the world was I going to survive a three-thousand mile move in the middle of high school?
On the first day of my junior year at my new southern high school, the number one thing I was afraid of was, where the heck am I going to sit at lunch? I found this table in the lunchroom with this other girl who was also brand new to the school and sat with her. As the year progressed, we started to merge and talk with this group of three boys sitting next to us. Little did I know that one of these boys would be the one I fell in love with, and another would be my best friend.
That summer, in between our junior and senior years, you got enough courage to ask me on a date, and of course, I said yes. I was so nervous because before you, I never really went on dates. But you made me feel like the only girl in the room, well actually the only girl in the world. And I will never forget that day.
Days turned into weeks, which turned into months, which turned into years that we dated. You went off to training school, I went to college and did an internship in another state. We saw each other at our best, and we saw each other at our worst. But never once did I feel like I didn't love you, and I never once felt like you didn't love me either.
Six years pass, and I got to my worst. I turned into this person I couldn't even recognize. I let my mental illnesses take over without reaching out and getting help. I tried to manipulate you to get what I wanted, and it wasn't fair at all. And because of what I did, you broke my heart, and that's okay. I forgive myself, I forgive you for everything, and I hope you know that.
Breaking my heart at first felt like my world was crashing down around me, and I was never going to recover. But in a month's time, I am working on bettering myself for myself, and I honestly have you to thank for that. Without you, I wouldn't have taken steps to reach out for help and started trying to be the person I want to be, and I just want to say thank you.
I want you to know that I never once hated you. I still don't hate you. I have always loved you, and I don't think I will ever stop. Without you, I wouldn't have my amazing friends, and I wouldn't be getting the help I need and deserve. You were the best thing to ever come into my life, and I hope you know that. But most importantly, I hope one day you can forgive me and see me for me again.
