If there’s one thing my stubborn ass hates to do, it’s admit that I am wrong. I will argue your ear off just to prove my point and make sure my voice is heard and understood. I’ve always been that way, and one day it bit me in the ass.

Over the past couple of years, I’ve noticed a massive change in myself. I had started off college as an anxious, naïve, inexperienced young girl who took life one day at a time, to a wiser, still anxious, experienced one, but with more negativity. (I wouldn’t consider myself without the anxiety because hey, I’m in college and life is stressful right now.) I know that I have so much life left to experience and a million new things to learn, but after doing some self-reflection of myself, I knew that a change for the better had to come.

I had been surrounded by negative energy for such a long time that it didn’t occur to me till recently that I needed to put an end to it. From the friends I’ve had over the years that have come and gone, I had become a different person and not one that I liked.

I will never forget the day where I was FaceTiming with my sister and she told that I was acting differently. I continued to argue with her and tell that I wasn’t. She told me that I’d had a nasty attitude. After continuously arguing and fighting with her, The thing that worried me the most was the fact that I couldn’t see it.

I didn’t notice the negativity I had unintentionally surrounded myself with.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, listen to your friends and your family. Most of my family noticed a negative change. I was unhappy. So unhappy to the point where everything that came out my mouth was mean. I spent a lot of my time gossiping and talking shit about people, and the scary thing was, I didn’t feel bad. It was like I was thriving off of all of this negativity. And then it hit me. I was.

It had gotten to the point where this negativity became a lifestyle for me and after realizing that I didn’t know how to get out of it or where to even start to get rid of it. I took it upon myself to try and figure out the source, but I couldn’t think of anything that made sense. After speaking with friends and family, as I tried to figure it out, I understood. It was who and what I was surrounding myself with.

From that point on, I knew I needed to get rid of this negativity and become the real me that was underneath the surface. That’s when I changed my social circle. I tried my hardest to stop dwelling on the past, and I stepped outside of my comfort zone in the best way possible. Since then, life has gotten better and so has the person I’ve transformed into.

If I could go back and time and talk to the old Jessica, I would tell her, “Stop. Take a second and think about what you’re doing. Are you going to feel good in the end? If not, don’t do it.”

After changing my mindset and my environment to happier one, I can gladly say that I am becoming the person that I want to be, and the person that I was meant to be. Instead of spending time by talking shit about people or being judgmental, I try to seek out the good in others and wonder what good they have to offer the world. Even though I’m still anxious 60% of the time, I am proud to say that my mind is a stronger and more peaceful place. It’s all about who you surround yourself with and the care that you put into yourself that is going to dictate your happiness.

Admitting that I wasn't the person I was supposed to be was hard, but in the end, it was so worth it. I finally feel content with myself and how I treat others. Creating a new life for myself helped to create a new me. Saying goodbye to the old me wasn't hard, but liberating. Each day becomes a learning process into who I am and who I will be as the future comes.